Is this all that life has to offer

MOVED

2008-07-12T10:56:00.001-07:00

BEING FULLY CONVINCED THAT WORDPRESS IS WORTHY TO MOVE TO, I HAVE. DUE TO THE CONVENIENCE AND BECAUSE OF THE HIGH VIEWER TRAFFIC, WORDPRESS, THOUGH TAKES A LONG TIME TO SET UP, BUT IS WORTHY FOR THE LONG RUN. SO I HAVE MOVED.

its the same name, just wordpress.com
its great when no one has your name aint it
Click here

Moments Before the Unknown

2008-07-11T09:21:00.000-07:00

lol, Lord, you're, AMAZING.

I just read finish my curious incident. Looks like everything for planning turned out well. The speakers are all settled. The speeches are all settled.

Grandma just got sent to hospital.

Sheep at an unstable state.

And lord, though i seem so crazy, it just makes me believe, this is all just, part of your plan.

Moving.

2008-07-10T07:25:00.000-07:00

Within a week, to wordpress.
www.alvern.wordpress.com
its up already actually.
just that, hmm, departing orange is a hard price.
and i needa get use to wordpress for awhile, so i'd stick with blogger.
I'm always appalled at dreams. When you sleep, your mind thinks. When you're awake, you can't.
And its more scary, when your dreams, always become reality. Seeing the future, weeks and months before.
is this a calling?

Faith Deprived

2008-07-09T07:49:00.000-07:00

I havent learnt my lesson.

Frodo: Your Late Gandalf: A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to”

Similarly, as i was picked up just before falling to rock bottom like a young eaglet's training to soar. It seems i haven't fully been convinced with God's solution and i am personally ashamed of myself.

As i was preparing for my lit fest, i told jw and des that i would only arrive at 1.30pm since the school starts at 1.40, so i can plan more with my team.

Apparently as i left school, my bus 196 drove by(i didnt know 33 reaches newtown too).

As it stopped at the bus stop, my fervent prayers, "please lord, the red light". So that i may catch the bus to do your will.

And the bus crawled by. But this time, i didnt reprimand God or anything, i just carried on thinking of another solution. Then suddenly, i thought of 33, and i ran to the board and check, and yes it does go to NT and i may just reach on time. Little did i know that 196 just arrived again.

And just when i was about to sit down, my eyes swept across the horizon, catching a glimpse of 3 numbers, 196.

And this was the moment i was, appalled.

Lord, i'm sorry i have no faith in you lord, always depending on my on strength and never yours.

/edit
oh yeah, i'm going for a debate for the lit festival at CRESCENT, and a few other guys are joining to watch, hopefully me and my team. Yeah, its on a Saturday 8am-1pm. And i wouldn't compromise on service thats my promise. Theres no free seating btw. And i havent read finish my curious incident, so yeah, thats how screwed i am.

I'm up against compassvale sec. yeah.

100% pure orange juice

2008-07-08T05:14:00.000-07:00

At any one point, should quality be compromised for quantity.
Both in spiritual wellbeing and physical well being.
besides quantity, is a quality

Do enlighten me.

oh yeah, btw, for the anoynomous guy, lemme tell you something, i can moderate my tagboard, so bothering trying stupid stuff. But anyway..
i'd rather be Osama then some goofy bank robber.
If you're destruction is so great, why not claim credit. Because, heck, i cant do much to you, besides. And do enlighten me as well, if i am the only crazy one, that would put criticisms to the person with my name, because, if i'm gonna tell him that he sucks, i want to tell him that I think that he sucks.

i want to quit being a CL

2008-07-05T21:56:00.000-07:00

I advice you to play the music. Its going to be long.
yes, you didnt see wrongly.
I want to quit being a CL.
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i went to service with a heart, Seeking God earnestly for the 1st time in ages. Almost similar to the time when i first stepped into nexus.(2 weeks before Christmas 06).
I slowed down my entire lifestyle. I didnt shepherd my sheeps. I didnt go for CLM, i didnt read my bible. I just, talk to God for the whole week. because i knew, my heart wasn't right. I need to settle it before i can settle others. And probably some of the things i should have done but i didn't do, but all i knew was, i needed a change of heart. I needed, a renewal.

My flame has been extinguished. Everything became a routine. And i knew, this is NOT christianity. And i cant afford to let my sheep feel the way i do resulting in not shepherding them. Afraid ministering them into the devil's path.

Because i knew i am broken, i knew i need to be healed. And then, "quit CLM". It seemed to be the most plausible resolution. To be back to be a pillars. My spiritual status, would never be able to handle a pioneering group, not to say, the biggest one. I would only, jeopardize their growth. Not speaking of my own yet.

To be a pioneer, kingdom mindedness is a lifestyle. And i can proudly declare, i wasn't close to it at all. I knew, continuing would further destroy the my Christian walk, and the peers around me. I couldn't afford to let God's kingdom die because of my me.

And then i thought, wouldn't my departure also kill them. In one way or another. Maybe if i could resolve it myself it would be great. And i knew, i couldnt. My drive wasnt there. My flame was gone. I cant resolve it. My laziness devours my passion. It wasnt the solution.

Saturday came. I realized i didnt tell my people about "i want to be shepherds meet". I was overly caught up with myself. I was certain, I am not up to the job. I'm leaving. I cannot afford a group of close to 15 to die because of my own laziness. I am afraid to stand up.

I stood outside nexus auditorium infront of the screen thinking and thinking. I was anti social. Yes, i hate talking to others. Especially when i have thoughts to sort out. I didnt talk much. All i did was thinking, "is this your will God? to leave CLM. Or is this the devil's path". Unanswered prayers filled my heart with discontentment.

I entered nexus, doing my routine, putting my bag down getting the people down. And i didnt talk to anyone again. I, thought and prayed to God, Earnestly. I really wanted to serve God, i never had in mind to, in anyway to let the devil devour. And my decision was for the benefit of the group. Prayer meeting was short. I just kept asking God.

And i let loose a little coz its praise after that. I knew it, because i've been in church for so long. That everything became a norm. This shouldn't be the norm i knew. I turned to rick, "hey today the band not bad right. got 200% some more". If u guys understand, yeah. Then he wallaped me. Literally.

And it was praise. I just wanted to slow down. Catch all the lyrics. Maybe something from the lyrics would tell me something. Praise passed after 3 songs. I remember, because its the norm. And got my hearts ready, by automatic. Its annoying i know, how i knew everything already, how the service flows. I wanted to be new again. To be so new to a church that i never knew whats next. Excited about the next moment. But i knew the service programming, and somehow, i wasn't excited about service anymore. Its a routine.

The first song passed, worship. I was praying. The lyrics meant nothing.

"in my life, be lifted high"
"in our world, be lifted high"
"in our love, be lifted high"

I cried.

"Lord i hope pastor shirley calls me out for prayer. I pray that u will anoint her to speak to me what u have in mind lord"

"everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades"
is my life, worth to be mentioned. Would it proclaim God's name. Or would it tarnish his name. Recalling images of my new identity, "eh you come school today!"

Reminiscing on all the shit i have done. I felt, crap. am I even worthy of being a CL. Of a pioneering group. And the biggest one?. Heck, i'm shit. this is not my ball game.

another part of me, "this is it, i want to lift your name on high".

Contradictory it is. But thats how God works. First must be last, Receive comes after giving.

I was in a dilemma. To quit or not to. I never thought much of how to go about quitting. But i knew its a simple step, Go to zach/daniel and say, i'm out. Its that simple. But i had a burden for my people, What would happen to them. I couldn't decide. And i hate that feeling. Turning back is so easy, yet so difficult at the same time.

Pastor shirley ended of worship. She was the worship leader, which wasnt the usual thing. I guess God didnt answer my prayer then. I'm qutting. Yes, i'm crazy to ask that kind of prayer, because i AM crazy, to find out the answer, desprately.

Sitting back, to the usual green seats. Eating the covenant with my heart saying, i am sorry. But whatever decision i conclude with, will be yours. If you don't tell me soon, i'll quit, because i dont want to kill a group. Their limitless potential cannot be capped within mine.

Sermon, weakness made perfect in God's strength. I dont know why, but pastor Jasmine's preaching always cuts the heart. But not deep enough. Not enough for me to put in dedication.

Altar call. My eyes opened wide. Praying. I glanced back. And looked forward. Active conversation in the front. Nothing from my group. Discontentment aroused. "i am useless".

I gathered the group to go to america room. Leading them. I didnt really talk. Didnt feel like.

I knew, God, this is your last chance. To prove yourself. And i prayed earnestly that yes, you would talk through me.

The best of the best.

None from me.

I have been an unworthy servant lord. Forgive me.
I was enraged at myself.

Daniel began with his teaching. It wasnt till the end, when things start to get more in depth. I saw the fairfield photo. Of us being called out. Engraved into my memories, it played like a broken recorder, repeating itself endlessly. I felt like i totally, pissed off, with myself. I didnt reply wei jie even though he asked me, "i bet you were there". I was too busy. And i have nothing to boast about.

Daniel with his acsI group. I looked at my acsB group. Am i even close to what daniel poured out for his people. Or even worthy of being a CL. Camp i was so impacted, yet not enough to drive me. I hate it. I hate my christian life. Am i just a big fat governor from the top ordering others. (rick said it during my shepherding. I didnt tell him my thoughts. Because i wasn't ready to."you know people say, Leaders are like governors, always lieing." It made so much sense to me. I kept silent. Letting out a smile, just to place a facade over my true thoughts. i didnt want him to know)

I planned to find zach or daniel for my decision. I had an image of me and zach or daniel at the roads walking and talking. I cried. I didnt want to leave. But i will because i am killing my group, not growing it.

"i think i have slowed down my life a lot. I have been looking a the little things of my life. Although i havent been reading the bible everyday, but i make it an effort to meet God everyday."

Thats what i have been doing my entire week. Is it coincidence?

358 church planters
358 ministry workers
572 pastoral leaders

I looked at my group. I laugh at myself while tearing inside. Shit, i am saboing the entire church. I am going to have a meeting, maybe to proclaim that i leave clm, but hoping that those all out for God continues.

Worship began. Julius leaves for a band concert that only costs 15 bucks. I am destorying God's kingdom. Clarence didnt come service for ions. Lord, seriously, i quit, i cant handle it.

"i want all of you to step back"
i moved back.
"those that are willing to give their hearts all out for god step forward"
'step forward'
"yes step forwards"
A few ran up.
the rest followed suit.
I stood leaning against the wall.

This is it. If i 'm not gonna step forward. My entire group will know. And they will start asking. And i hate attention. So maybe i just step forward. "crap you, dont move your freaking legs if you're not gonna commit a single sweat out of yourself"
the few seconds felt like eternity. I had a train of thoughts raging through. "throughout this entire bunch of people, there are bound to be the Emotional high people. I dont want to be the group"

"this is it, are you gamed about cg08 alvern."
Hesitates.

"lord, i know my christian walk has been warped. I'm sorry. Lord, keep me accountable. From this day, this step of dedication would change my the whole of eternity. I'm gonna give my all. No matter what. Lord, this is it. Are you gonna stop me?"

"step forward my son"

"Lord i DO NOT WANT TO BE A ASS CRACK THAT SAYS ONE THING AND DOES THE OTHER. DO THIS FOR ME LORD. WHATEVER I DO FROM THIS DAY ONWARDS, WILL BE MY BEST AND VERY BEST FOR YOU LORD, I AM NOT BACKING OUT. though i know i have screwed up, but this is my comeback. I'm putting my laziness back to where it should be and i am gonna put u where you should be in my life. As i saw my peers all up there, i teared, what coincidence. Daniel did the exact same thing i wanted to do."

I stepped forward. I'm making a 180 degrees turn. This is my decision and shit or nut is not going to change it. I'm living for one thing thats worth. Your kingdom. And heck, this is my resolve, kill my laziness. Cause even if i become a pillar my laziness would kill me to be a member, then a quiter. I AM NOT QUITTING.

It was my greatest decision in my entire life aside from accepting christ. I knew, that this decision is serious. And i'm gonna live it through.

"i would like to pray for the CLs."
"alright thats me, thats the usual thing that daniel does. Pray for the CLs"
"Alvern and Ren Ting, please step forward"
i was shocked. Not pastor shirley, but daniel.

"as i was praying for you, Alvern, God told me u need a renewal of mind"

i closed my eyes. Weighing out all the possibilities of coincidence. I cried. I think i felt rude, coz i totally closed my eyes when daniel was staring into mine. Tears poured down. Lord, right at the last moment, u picked me up. And i'm certain now, that you put me in this biggest group, because i am in your plan now. And i cannot deny. The greatest armour of God, is to know that you're God.

the possibilities of such coincidence recurring over and over again, say it was just fate. I think its rather impossible.

I stepped out of america room. As usual, not talking. I was thinking, this is it. This is really it, i'm all Game. I'm ALL IN.

I kept thinking of my stupid laziness which would kill me, and i thought of the dedication that i have set. It is going to be tough, but because its your plan, i am going to do it.

All my past deeds shall be past, the future and present is going to change. And i'm going to change it. I am not going to be a CL, i am going to be a Care Leader.

"in my life, be lifted high"
"in our world, be lifted high"
"in our love, be lifted high"

Hold be accountable for this entire blog post. I pray i'm never going to back out again. And i'm sincerely apologising for all the shit i've done. Basically nothing, because i did not do anything. I'm sorry, and this quater, is my quater, i am Change.

disclaimer, the two charcoal pits are exactly similar photos taken in different forms. See the charcoal arrangement if u dont believe. Its exactly the same.
why i can remember the numbers, its because i'm all game about it.

Tranquil

2008-07-04T07:26:00.000-07:00

disclaimer:i am not emo

I've spent these few days, gazing into, what people deem as nothingness. I try to enjoy every bit of life, because these bits drain life from me.

And i've been talking all day to God.

On the bus.
Train.
Walking.
..........
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Asking a billion of questions. Reasoning with myself as hard as i tried.
Knowing the things i should know best, my own motives.
Perhaps, even myself cant explain entirely myself.
And my drive burns like a furnace. A part of me tells me to slow down. Another part, declaring Lazy.
These words echoed within the epicenter of One. Rippling effects amplified.

p.s i think i'm alright.

Desire

2008-06-29T01:55:00.000-07:00

Where are you..

Spades is getting more and more, mind straining with everyone's skills improving drastically.

And i cant believe how well the crescentians play their foosball. Its like virtual reality, only so true.
I can loose while playing semi-serious with them.
And when i play serious with them, their reaction speed doubles mine.
Impressive?
Definitely

Building Blocks

2008-06-25T00:26:00.001-07:00

Faith over Fact
or
Fact over Faith

The H(a)unt

2008-06-23T20:24:00.000-07:00

And so it seems, that things of the world, do come back to slow down the kog.

Band did.

After my stupid overconfident statement,"if the school allows 2x a week i'd go", so it seems that i have put myself in an irreversible threat. Or have I?

I asked God.

I shant reveal the answer but yoh peeps out there, do enlighten me on this. Is it possible to go all out with a CCA that demands full commitment?

The list of considerations
1. Will i have enough time to disciple my sheep. Considering the fact that i'm really into discipling youths.

2. Will i have enough time to plan and seek God for the group under these circumstances.

3. I asked julius to quit band, will i sabotage him?

4. Does my tight schedule allow space for fellowship?

Friends out there, do help,tag.

Spiritual leaders, sms/tag/idk any form of communication to me, what would be the best. Or what God told u to tell me.

Hit the mark

2008-06-22T17:13:00.001-07:00

my temperature, 39.1

now. 36.5

looks like i just got a taste of how xanthe ang felt in the realm of physical fighting of the internal body.

I wasn't "lucky" enough to get a wonderful jab like she did that instantly brings down the temperature.

when i was at the doctor, i ate a panadol before leaving. So my temp was only 37.5.

by the time i reached home, it escalated to 39.1.

There wasnt much to feel. The world, is floating.

One after the next

2008-06-21T21:45:00.000-07:00

somehow it seems that CD has been hit by lotsa bugs.

I've got fever, again.

Yes i know, its sad.

and i'm alwwriiteee.I'm alive=D..

Spoof, its gone

2008-06-19T09:29:00.000-07:00

After reading the book, i just realised. How much personality change i've gone through. Personally, i would rather be jeshua, running around, looking like an idiot, making noise than be pastor ben, knowing in depths into bible history and such.

Dont you remember the times where u were so inquisitive that your parents lie to you when u ask questions they arent supposed to tell you till u get older. Like "where do babies come from". I shant elaborate. Coz my blog would seem obscene then.

And your parents had to keep coaxing you to shut up.

And u finally did.

And. you talked less.

Explore less. Started to sit. Rather than to run around getting ourselves lost and found in a few moments. Now, we're all, just a bunch, of lifeless fools.

In time to come, Death. Cripples us from movement.

Is it because of age that immobilize us more and more, or is it, the frequent parental control over us, that place an invisible cage over us. That even though we're released, we choose to stay put.

Begining, or Ending

2008-06-19T08:43:00.000-07:00

Extremely loud and incredibly close have been rather, confusing. Yeah. Even after i finished, i still cant comprehend the relationship. How a father is actually a grandfather. Which i keep "inventing" how it could be linked. But it doesnt seem plausible at all. But anyway. The book was, GREAT. okay, maybe this is my second book.(yes i know what you're thinking). but still, its awesome. My first novel i guess.hahaha..thank feeb. i just realised how much i cranked up ur book when i should have done lesser..sorry bout that..You should read it. Its nice. The begining, was the end.

My Trip to malaysia was more on water than on land. I was snorkeling and boating around most of the times i think. Other than eating and sleeping. I wish i could take someone with me. To see what i saw. But i guess, you missed out. i did too i guess. (sounds corny). I saw my favourite colour even in the seas.

Nemo=D, anemonefish, and clown fish. However u named it. I saw it..yeah.. Its cute, and small. And few as well. They're only at the anemone which are hard to find in the vast sea. With all the corals and all. Yeah, i saw corals. Apparently my dad saw turtles and sharks. And my bro saw a HUGE fish. Really huge. Bigger than u and me..lol.

Anyway, all that i saw really, amazed me by how nature could be so beautiful. And singapore is so "awe"ful

Oh well, if u missed me, i have to say, i missed u too. It be better if i could bring u too.

"chews on gum"

Is the afterlife, just the begining?. Life would be tiring. I hope the afterlife is................slack.

I just realised, school starts on monday. Anyone chionging for homework please drop me an sms or a call.

Gorge out my Eyeballs

2008-06-14T22:00:00.000-07:00

Even being so, irritated by greedy people, and selfish ones. I too, have to admit i fall into my own trap. I should, start stoning myself.

Would you look at people as who they are, or who they can be. Potential, Unlimited.

I think i've given up hope on many of my people, i have to apologize, but it seems, that i haven't on one. Probably because he's my close friends. This puzzles me. Could a close friendship actually anchor myself on God's eyesight?

i'm leaving for malaysia soon, yes, i dont wish to. I'd rather play war at labrador park. Sighs.

Is This all that life has to offer

2008-06-13T19:49:00.000-07:00

That's my blog's name i think. Like Zachary's R^3 and sinyee's No turning back. Mine's Is this all that life has to offer. I created this blog just before i committed myself to church. I think its about time i changed it. Aside from knowing its my generation that will conquer earth, I think nothing's more meaningful than serving God. Everything else fades by time, whats there to live for?Prove a name? It will go. Prove your riches, It will go. THINK WITH ME. What is the difference between dieing now, and later. There IS NO DIFFERENCE. Because whatever name you're gonna create, will be taken over. Unless, theres something of eternal value. I think that tingling hope, kept me breathing till this day.

I was only little inspired by shirley's conviction to win the world on the last day, cause she already shared it before in CLM. Thats why i said, life changing. Honestly, hilsongs is pales in comparison. I cry during free worship and not the lyrics.

I guess my ONE camp objectives, were filled with numerous answers. Yes, i'm unbiblical, i only set one. But it was because, i couldn't set any, without this camp answering my objective. And this i guess, God answered in a unorthodox manner. My camp objective would last me till next camp. "not telling u what"=D

i would love to be in SSS for camp because of the less barriers SSS has. Stupid chalet sucks. And SSS everyone sleeps on beds, so much room to walk around. Some stupid chalet only offers aircon. Thats all. Nothing big at all. just killing earth at an exponential rate when 600 campers on their aircons. But this of course, was the most impactful Camp. maybe because my camp objective was dead clear. The previous two, wasnt clear. It was just on the spot thought up. This was thought for weeks. I guess.

This is an emotional generation. But this generation will not be Emotional because of the world's influence, but because of the world's change.

One word to discribe my entire life. "i want change"

I found the route to it

Nocturne

2008-06-12T09:35:00.000-07:00

I'm turning nocturnal. Day light spells drowsiness night spells craziness.

What hit me the most during camp.

Girls looks as good as anyone else when we stay 4days and 3 nights together.
aside from that truth.

I cried, at the change i have gone through.

My conviction was EXACTLY similar to that of pastor Shirley.

the one on the world is greedy, and sin. I think if u read my blog long enough u'd understand that principal nailed within the depths of my heart.

images of my pass, flashed vividly pass my eyes. It was as if i was in the scene once again. It was time travel.

And now, i can NEVER deny the power of christ

Youth, Impact

2008-06-12T06:38:00.000-07:00

My strongest Hope for the group, NEVER emotional high, Only Dedication

Moments before Midnight

2008-06-08T07:00:00.000-07:00

Camp approaches, serenity draws. Awkwardness rebels, Welcoming Runs.

I guess i'd walk off with uplifting spirits, down lowing heart both at the same time. I'd miss the ps2 at my house, i'd walk away from ridiculous quarrels. ARGH, the moment i think about them i get so, pissed off.

3 Things i get pissed of over, Parents, People, Games.

I get pissed off if i lose, repeatedly.

I get pissed off when my parents quarrel, and it has upgraded that i get pissed off when they correct me, because they quarrel so much over bulshit and they're trying to correct me?wth. Yes i know i'm wrong, but i get pissed off the sight of them. ARGH, the 10 commandments are, so, practical.

I HATE, hate HATE, hate, HATE, hate people who play church. ALOT. alot. ALOT. alot. Especially when they come to kill time, i seriously hate them. ALOT. It deepens my spiritual atmosphere by 10 folds in an instant. ARGH.

Anyway, i'm excited for camp. Though its my third already. I dont really like the venue though. And, i'm quite scared to act.

anyway, bye peeps, i'd be gone for 4 days.

oh, and i saw salad at ps today.hahaha..long lost CGS.haha

Sweet Suggars

2008-06-07T09:42:00.001-07:00

Sugar's sweet, addictive.

But kills,

just like sin does,

sweet,

addictive,

slow,

death.

Who thought today's p&w was awesome.

(sigh, parents quarreling over measly assets)

Sunshine of my Life

2008-06-05T23:03:00.000-07:00

Ahhh, even my companion's lines are stuck in my head.

"oh my god, i think i need a medicure"

okay, drama has indeed improved my memory.hahha.

stop lingering in my head, please, go out.
and idk why on earth i'm acting, lol.. though its fun.hahah.

Its never been God, its Always been us. When we succeed, we claim victory, when we fail, we blame God. Crap, could you be at least be impartial on one thing?

Pleasing TOO the eye

2008-06-05T01:35:00.000-07:00

Where is the end of gratification and begin of unbiblical correction

If a mother fails, she don't only spoil a child, he spoils a whole generation of peers.

If a teacher fails, he don't only screws up a class, he screws up the nation's average.

If a shepherd fails, he don't only screw up a sheep, he screws up many sheep that may be under him.

If a CareLeader Fails, he dont fail a caregroup, he screws up the a generation of sheeps and shepherds.

What if a Man fail. The women take over. Don't Ever let it happen.

We'll have a dozen times of more car crashes.

okay apologies of sounding too like a male chauvinist always, but Moses, David, Paul, Jesus, all were man, if it didnt mean anything, the bible don't mean anything. The reason of so MANY brother's event is because, without these, these men becomes handicapped, sheep will be lost.

And for pretty ladies serving God out there, serve with all our heart, because Esther did.

Cluttered

2008-06-04T09:21:00.001-07:00

Sheesh, homework's getting on my nerves. But apparently the suspense thriller keeps me in sanity. Sorry but i guess i'd hold samson's syndrome for awhile. Just awhile, and i'll start on it again. Trust me, reading books are beneficial, as much as i used to hate them real bad.

CLC2 was yet again revitalizing my faith and my role. Many Aspirations, One dedication.

That was my first random thought during CLC2. Many people have aspirations, but sadly there will always be people, that have such great aspirations for God, such potential, leaving the church so suddenly, that its such a pity to lose The greatest Gift, and a Testimony of dedication. At the end, it doesn't matter who serves harder, but who serves to the end. And also i'm not saying just slack to death, but serving all the way to the end. Living the Great Commission, making it, OURS to claim.

Its amusing how some people come with "idk" as an aspiration, i mean i literally laughed. Being a Care Leader seriously put me on a mountain seeing much more, yet much more see me at the same time. srsly CLC2 owned, because i finally appreciated it. AND I'M NOT GOING BACK FOR THE 3RD TIME EITHER. otherwise i'd remember the sequence of the teaching, then gg alr.

I made my way to the pool table. Still got some nuts in me, but after awhile my eyes always loose focus and i screw up. I won one lost one, left one. Haha. Because Zach called me up personally to visit Rick since he had exams, and requested only, me. So i left lurh, sorry guys the "pang sei", but for a good cause.

Then i realised How leadership is influence, influence is responsibility, responsibility is maturity, again. In the area of pool, and i'd try to improve on it, if i dont succumb to it though.

Then spades. Wei jie teamed with Jeron, then they got owned. Then me and zach Help both of them, then josh and jonathan complained they got bullied. HAHA.

I realised central has many decks of cards, maybe only CD, but heck, we have like 4 decks already that brings to town everyday.

Then i teamed with wei jie, and josh with jonathan again. Then the 2nd round placed the game at TWO DIFFERENT ENDS. -140 and 132 i think.

By the fourth game we turned the tables around. Then unfortunately some men in blue came. Then ask us for our ic/ez-link cards. Record down, adress and number. Then had to zhao. SADDED lurh, the game was intense, and wei jie improved tremendously. Collapse Josh's double nill and Jonathan's 5 bags, and succeed my nill and 3 bags. hahaha. owned totally.

you keep me hanging on through the night.

why

2008-06-02T21:13:00.000-07:00

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY
CANT I GET YOU OUT OF MY MIND.

Humorous Endeavour

2008-06-02T10:21:00.000-07:00

"Can I go to the toilet"
"PLEASE"
.
.
.
"PLEASE".

lol. The most humorous lines today. Speech by Ren Ting, Scene : Africa Room, Time :5.30pm

People put in effort when they see the value in it.
You wouldn't pay 50bucks for plastic but you would for jade.
Similarly when people see more value, they put in more effort.
Perhaps the person that put in the most efforts see the most rewards, though not visible to man, visible to the worker as long as the worker sees not in tinted world lenses but those of God's.

CLC2(2), coz i went the second time, has REALLY really REALLY really impacted ALOT even though i already been through. Probably because i'm now a CL i really can see what jon tay is driving at and not a lost sheep following. But i have this slight inch of "thought"-i've no word for it that rick DID NOT KNOW that i was in CLC2 before. But heck, i guess its worth. Really is.

The CG atmosphere i tell u, its better than normal caregroup siah. I sibei, no face alr.

Public proclamation: THANKS PHOEBE FOR YOUR WONDERFUL ACT OF LOVE BY LENDING ME YOUR BOOK. =P

Great Man, Great tempts

2008-06-01T00:20:00.000-07:00

Zach left me a book. This time not on apologetics though having gusto for it.

This book, was simple. Simple english, simple words, no puns, no abbreviations. Just, words, and practical application. Perhaps thats what made this book, interesting, otherwise left in my bag for next eternity.

Believe this
"you are wired by your creator to love sex".

What makes a man different from an animal. Weighing out the pros and cons, reasoning and not basing on instinct. Which also leads to our downfall. Like how we reason with ourselves so much till we succumb to sin. Familiar?

We are the only beings that is capable of face-to-face mating hence creating more pleasure for "whole body" experience.

hahahaha..yeah, not the real main pt. of the book, but dont you think, we're really special? If you're not gonna treasure sex the way it was so uniquely created for us, and to waste it becoming that of animal mating, isn't it a pity?

yeah, zach, i just stopped at lust.

Success and Failure

2008-05-30T09:37:00.000-07:00

i was reading one of julius' book. When i just flipped to the back, and it talk about money. And then i t really perked my curiousity, because the contents dont seem biblical. I flipped to the first page. True enough, it wasnt. Thou it seemed to be a Christian book.

If success is determined by our monetary possessions, mother Theressa is a failure.

Success how much we improve and not where we stand. If we're rich, and we still mantain rich, thats a failure.

Failure is determined how much we depraved.

And its sad how the world don't seem to see that.

How much more scars does it take the world to bear before its very own community of people actually realise that they aren't going to live any longer by sucking out resources from the ground at an extensive rate so much so that the world's core is going to be unstable, and eventually kill us.

How many more people have to die because of people's selfish desires before they realise that we are all homosapeins.

How many divorces do we need a year to finally hit the record when we started off loving them whole-heartedly.

its quite sad their songs are all screwed up now. sorry about being the environmentalist which i dont used to be.

Kill Me

2008-05-29T08:16:00.001-07:00

If i were to deny Your existence.
I think the level 1 testimony has came to past. Heres level 2 boss level. When things get more personal.

I was walking towards the bus stop and had to cross the road. Then i saw 176 pass, i needed to get on it to go to the mrt. I ran, but the traffic didnt allow. So i strolled into the bus stop, feeling down. I hadda catch a movie with Zach and the rest.

I was blaiming God all the way. Talk about a Christian.

173 came. It offered a chance for me to hop on, to start moving, but it takes a longer distance compared to 176. But it just left. I reasoned with myself. I couldnt come to a conclusion.

"God, should i take the bus"

"No" "No" "No" "No" "No" "No" "No" "No" "No" "No" "No" "No" "No"
hallowed in my head.

Spiritual battle raged across the few seconds of decision. Whether or not to board. I sat, about ready to stand, I said, so be it Lord.

176 strolled in.

God or not, decide it urself.

Caught Narnia and prince caspian. Its from C.S lewis btw. I didnt realise the parallel till Zach told me. If only he made it more obvious the movie would have been great. Evangelistic.
haha.

The lion's Jesus. I just realised.

And, Rick washed my feet.

Yeah, got that right. He was teaching to me to serve. Yes i feel touched. But i feel this discontentment words cant describe.

Then he cooked for me. That wasnt too bad thou, but him washing my feeeeeet..nooooo.=(( and =)), idk how to explain.

yeah, i think i've learnt a lot thru the practical experience. Never had this b4, never will. Never the same sincerity, which money will never buy

One Night Stand

2008-05-27T22:37:00.001-07:00

The American way.
Hahaha. Got a new fetish man. Check these videos out.

first paramore now this. music taking a toll.

High Jumpers

2008-05-26T20:14:00.001-07:00

The invisible bar.
I think i had celebrated enough on my own, being happy for myself finally achieving the role of an official CL. And i was soooooooooo cluttered by that thought. When i had to take 2 days to finally wake up, its not the end.

Everyone is expecting more. With that in mind, double standard setting is inevitable. If i fall, theres gonna be all the people in Daniel's clm looking, shepherds, my caregroup, my ULs, Daniel, Probably Shirley would get the tip of the iceberg of my failed Endeavor as well.

This gets my heart beating. And my heart beats 2x as fast as urs remember?. I have a heart murmur =P. lol. okay, aside from that i think i've got to take things a little slower. Thinking before acting. Wait, am i overly cautious?

Unfortunately failing my challenge in last camp, being a CL by march(yes i still remember), My personal challenge has entered. Call me crazy.

March UL.

When i just compared myself with Zach for that moment, it seemed that i was so pathetic. And i pray that by March, pathetic is not the word, Accomplished.

I'm not going to be baptized, then leave church. Neither am i gonna be baptized and nothing significant is gonna happened. This marks a new begining. Exponential growth Equations.

//i didnt choose a girl on purpose btw//

Teardrops on my Guitar

2008-05-26T09:15:00.000-07:00

I'd use to listen to this kind of songs over 500 times. But it seems, that now, its so SO so SO so So sO meaningless. Thou its nice. I mean i listen to chasing cars 600 times. So yeah.hahaha.

Vexation

2008-05-25T22:14:00.000-07:00

Its annoying how people judge success by dollars and cents. When actually success is determined by fulfilled lives.

A world of Difference

2008-05-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

FINALLY, an official CL, yes, Finally.
yet it was bitter sweet. Why dont u take some time and read the story of this, journey.

We were so hyped up that hillsongs were coming to singapore to perform. We gathered who wanted to come and all, and we tried to buy the tickets. Unfortunately, tickets were already sold out within a week of release.

It shattered all hopes.

As the date drew closer i was contemplating whether or not to seriously give up all hopes. Having the little tiny bitty incy brink of light that God would deliver us through. Giving us tickets. Amazingly.

Call this fate, luck, probability. Heck, i'd call it God's work. We got tickets at the last minute on thursday just before the hilsongs concert on saturday. I was overjoyed, elated, elevated, perhaps all the words in thesaurus.com can supply.

And guess what. On saturday, apparently forgetting to turn up to plan for wei jie's birthday, rick called me to a corner. "am i dead, am i dead, am i dead, am i dead", i recited. "no i have good news for you". "welcome to CLM". This again brought me to a rainbow of emotions. Overjoyed etc. It then struck me, "what about hilsongs". It came crashing to my face. The tickets were in my hands. I decided upon my decision. Desmond too, face the wrath of it.

It was most obvious the choice of which to pick. And of course i did. But then i was then again one of the most painful gift. Yet i had to give it away. the seat. and of course what was the most painful thing is that i couldnt go. But i hadnt know what was installed.

Perhaps one of the most unorthodox meetings i've ever attended to. There wasnt point 1,2 or 3. There wasnt even a title. There wasnt even a specific teacher. Heck, they'd probably broke all "rules" to a proper teaching that most people think. Yet the most fruitful.

It has dawned upon me that the great commission has to be fulfilled in my generation. Fulfilling it is already been a promise. In my generation is what am i gonna do. Then again, in revelations the 7 years of persecution is, scary. Then again i want to finish it so i can finally rest. Probably one of the most fruitful lessons. What does fulfilling the great commission in my lifetime mean to me. heck, in my life time changes the whole perspective of the great commission i used to have.

Changing the world, to be different, making a world of difference.

Spades has been the most tiring card game. And poker cards seem to be the most despised thing around. Cathay has chased us out. Dhoby ghaut as well. this is irritating. Rick has NO potential in spades. Even Elise plays better than him. Like 200x or smth. Me and elise won zach and daniel when they trashed us when i was playing with rick. And when ur partner NIL's and ur opponent NIL's thats bad enough. There are 13 bags. Bidding a low number has a scary amount of bags each team can accumulate. With already 6 bags in our banks. It has been the most difficult. THinking of 3 things at a go. Wining elise's nil, killing daniel's nil, and not accumulate too many bags. Then it happened again, with zach and elise. I tell you, it was BRAINWASHING. After the game is like, heck, where am i.

Life was never fair because if it was..We would have been dead. God would have obliterated our souls. Yet He promised that He would be in our world with us.

Spinning Gears

2008-05-23T10:02:00.000-07:00

It is true that we revolve around the world. Its sad, i know. And yes, it is also true, that we can make the world worth revolving around. The Revolution Counts.

Unorthodox

2008-05-23T03:57:00.000-07:00

Heres a song. The lyrics are there, yeah, those are the lyrics. Its a Christian song too. Ironical it sounds. Why dont u play it a few times to understand it.

and another song, contrasting ourselves to God.

The Invincible Silver

2008-05-21T19:44:00.000-07:00

Its always like this. "strongly encourage", when actually, we are obliged to. Its an invisible knife pointed at our throats suffocating the throat. Entangling our views, warping our ideas, eventually, succumb to this, curse?
*note the spellings

Elated

2008-05-21T01:24:00.000-07:00

i can grow my hair as LONG as i want now=D.
I want to thank God for answering my prayer for no attire check as i've been praying for it for two weeks already. And usually theres attire check on last week of school to du lan the long hair guys, but strange this time dont have. I'd give credit to God, if not for him, probably, Luck.

The moving Car.

2008-05-20T04:27:00.000-07:00

Humility gets you everywhere,
Pride gets you nowhere.

Perhaps a smile would speed up the car too.=D

Quality>Quantity

2008-05-19T07:10:00.001-07:00

I guess it was an application point, but before wfl. HAHA>.<.
Went to sakae sushi at habour front center. They got better food over there. Like other restaurants the food DAMN horrible. The rice all dry dry one. This one was, delicious. And the salmon, normally if i eat, i get this "horrible" feeling, thats why i usually abstain from it, but sakae doesnt have it. And it tastes great cause it was chewy and all. Ate with Jonathan, aaron, his bro, abijoy and another gal which i dunno how to spell ur name, but heck. And jonathan was late. And, because of that, he had to pay all the extras. Which was 17% of the total bill and 15 bucks. Yes, quite a big sum. HAHA. Imagine if we were eating in groups of 10, he'd die.

I finally understood what "i HATE SCOLDING" means.

Standing between natural, and supernatural

2008-05-18T19:08:00.000-07:00

When does a song becomes a Christian song.

Apparently whatever song hillsong releases is a christian song. Probably its their organization that ensures that all songs they release are christian ones.

But what about Chris Tomlin, what makes his song a christian one.

And not baptize in the river. Nor beast and the harlot. Sides, their lyrics are from the bible.

Childishness and Child-likeness

2008-05-18T05:56:00.000-07:00

I'm absolutely disturbed when people call me "xiao di". As in REALLY disturbed. When people call me xiao di i'm like, ARGH, dont feel like eating alr.

I like macs for one reason because they have a standard phrasing of greetings. And the counters are all english speaking. So they dont go, "Xiao Di" me. And heck, i'd like almost twice their height still call me xiao di. And sadly my favourite restaurant dont have this amazing feature
By dictionary.com
youth
1. the condition of being young.
2. the appearance, freshness, vigor, spirit, etc., characteristic of one who is young.
3. the time of being young; early life: His youth was spent on the farm.
4. the period of life from puberty to the attainment of full growth; adolescence.
5. the first or early period of anything: The business, even in its youth, showed great potential.
6. young persons collectively.
7. a young person, esp. a young man or male adolescent.

child
1. a person between birth and full growth; a boy or girl: books for children.
2. a son or daughter: All my children are married.
3. a baby or infant.
4. a human fetus.
5. a childish person: He's such a child about money.
6. a descendant: a child of an ancient breed.
7. any person or thing regarded as the product or result of particular agencies, influences, etc.: Abstract art is a child of the 20th century.
8. a person regarded as conditioned or marked by a given circumstance, situation, etc.: a child of poverty; a child of famine.
9. British Dialect Archaic. a female infant.
10. Archaic. childe.
11. with child, pregnant: She's with child.

although the distinct discrepancy, it so seems that people always mix them up. Or probably, degrade us to that of a child. Literally. Perhaps in this, i'm childish.

There was a post on the dreamist who literally is, cause he forms his own routes back, saying "youths have the hearts to change the world
adults have the hands to change the world"

Take youths lightly, take the world lightly.

And whats more, nobody expects us to do great things. Nobody, as in no one except in the christian category. Argh. How, irritating.

And it is to this point that leads me on to the next. Childishness and Child-likeness .
The difference is, obvious.
They're almost at opposite ends in meaning even though they're "children". It appears to me that Childishness is still unfortunately existent in some. Which is absolutely irritating. And i too contribute to this irritable society. Like me hating those that come church for fun. And also thinking that i'm know it all. Which i have already drifted away from such immorality. Youths nowadays never do things without meaning. And Children, simply, obey. "Don't walk close to the yellow line". We'd do it before asking. But youths always tend to ask before doing it and at times we've already fallen to the track.

Children always tend to cry more because they tend to get betrayed as much. Young toddlers already know the meaning of betrayal subconsciously or not and they cry when their parents lie to them. Black or white lies. And also, betray them when they dont shower them with enough love. Why we cry less. Simply because we dont get betrayed as much. Whats the source of betrayal, Faith. Correct me if i'm wrong. But when we put in all our faith and hardwork on someone and he fails us, would you not cry?

We've Got to be obedient at times and also inquisitive. Striking a balance. Also instilling faith in each of our members. Yes, betrayal is inevitable in faith, homosapiens are king of sins, yet again, the best instruments of God's Kingdom. Which they could build up. Are you gonna forgo the blessings because of a curse. Its a pity if you do.

Matthew 18:4 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)

4Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Hillarious part 2.

2008-05-16T17:00:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to laugh at how things are.

Its funny why people bother to waste time at church? LOL. I'd crank up a girl if i didnt believe in God. I mean, heck, church's freaking boring without the God element. More so, Theres no reason to be in church w/o God. As from my earlier post, If you dont have a reason to do it, theres no reason to do it. But anyway, these peeps piss me of. Playing the church. Annoyance.

I still vividly remember Zachary's point. Where guys talk hell lot, gals dont talk. But gals live up to what they say and guys, well, live up to 10% of what they say. Yes unfaithful man needs woman to nag at us. Its inevitable. Its ironical when someone says "i wanna be a cl" and "i wanna claim fame". Doesnt rhyme along dude. Whats with getting high posts in school, u've only got like 4 years, at by the time u're somebody in the cca its probably sec 3, u'd left with what, less than a year. Rmb june=no more CCA. Its funny how people still serve CCA so much. Yes CCA points are essential, But being some crack up ass leader in a CCA would deprive You for time. Especially guys, because of the lack of, faithfulness, we tend to. THe famous word, Procrastinate. In the end, we wouldn't grow at all.

If you're gonna serve God, serve all the way, otherwise its certainly not the way.

Heck, standing between the line of heaven, hell and earth, what are these people, hybrids?. Hope they havent gotten to that extent.

I thought Mr. Lim's councilor bully skit was rather accurate. Because firstly, from the start to the end, the information gets weirder and weirder. Although it gets exaggerated, gossips usually have their own pt of view and it gets passed on and because people dont get what they mean they pass it on. I like to hear gossips, because i LOVE to hear what people think, and i dont judge base on one perspective. Thats utterly unfair. I usually call a group of people and ask about the probably insightful event that recently occurred, then i place a judgement point which i seldom let it out, because it might warp the whole idea against someone.

I'd like to move to wordpress where u can junk the whole comment down and place a nice nifty discussion but my love for this skin wouldnt let me budge. For the time being, the tag board is, well, discussion corner.

Joke?

2008-05-15T07:15:00.001-07:00

There were quite funny things that happen these days. I dont know if its funny to you, but to me it is.

I got full marks for a lit graded assignment. Apparently i havent read finished the book.

I got A2 for A maths, If i recall, i havent done more than 5 homework.

Miss Ng is one of the most crankiest teacher. She tells jokes in class till we only did 1 question in and hour. Amazing?. I think so too.

I guess coming to school more often sure paid off. Positively. And i just read an email. I dont usually do.

***Guy's point of view

This is very cute! And even written by a guy!
You might agree with it, but when it actually happens 99% of girls don't realize it 'til it is too late

and that guy who did it is so frustrated that he has moved on to someone who will take notice.

From a guys point of view:

We don't care if you talk to other guys.
We don't care if you're friends with other guys.
But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room

and you jump up and tackle him without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.
It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.

We don't care if a guy calls you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned.

Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till he morning.

Also, when we tell you you're pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it.
Don't tell us we're wrong.We'll stop trying to convince you.

The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.

Yeah, you can quote me.

Don't be mad when we hold the door open.

Take Advantage of the mood im in.

LET US PAY FOR YOU! DON'T 'FEEL BAD'
We enjoy doing it.
It's expected.
Smile and say 'thank you.'

Kiss us when no one's watching.
If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.

You don't have to get dressed up for us.
If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the

need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.
We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are.
Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's.
Or my t-shirt and boxers, not all dolled up.

Don't take everything we say seriously.
Sarcasm is a beautiful thing.
See the beauty in it.
Don't get angry easily.

Stop using magazines/media as your bible.
Don't talk about how hott Morris Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us.
It's boring, and we don't care.
You have girlfriends for that.

Whatever happened to the word 'handsome'/'beautiful'.
I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with 'Hey handsome!' instead of 'Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy' or whatever else you can think of.
On the other hand im not sayin i wouldn't like it either.

Girls: I cannot stress this enough: IF YOU AREN'T BEING TREATED RIGHT BY A GUY, DON'T WAIT FOR HIM TO CHANGE.> DITCH HIS SORRY DISGRACE-TO-THE-MALE-POPULATION ASS, AND FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU WITH UTTER RESPECT
Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.
Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
Someone who will stop what theyre doing just to look you in the eyes....and say 'i love you' ..........AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT!

*****Give the nice guys a chance*****

> Holdin Hands-
> Girls : If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of times.
> Guys : Grab it if it happens more than once.

> Cuddling-
> Girls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold.
> Guys : Automatically move closer to her.

> Movies-
> Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
> Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.

> Loving each other-
> Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too... And mean it.

> Laying below the stars-
> Girls : When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat
> Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers. Now make a wish about something you would like to happen Between you and your crush....

> guys: no grabbing!!!

> Guys repost this if you agree.

> Girls repost this if you think it's cute.

> Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this, so we hope that all the> girls that read this will repost this .

> Now copy and repost this; if you don't you'll have bad relationships for 69 years.

> By 12 am tonight your one true love will realize how much they want you.

> If you don't repost this, you will have bad luck for your entire life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> repost as: Guy's point of view
Its true to a certain extent, but a lie as well.

If you dont have a reason to do it, theres no reason to do it.

win-win situation

2008-05-13T07:02:00.000-07:00

Its rather hard to love the person you love, and love yourself at the same time.

Just had a cup of wine, feeling rather cranky, just a cup though, perk up the flavour of my dinner, probably had too much. Oh wells.

Bio lesson was hilarious. "Naturally guys urethra is longer". "why?" *class stunned by the question, then laughs* "because of the penis" *class giggles*

"to prevent uncontrolled urination there are some exercises for the bladder"

*HARRH?, and laughs"

"for guys it is much easier. Dont pee in one whole line but in many short times"

*Bell rings*

lol. Didnt talk about gals though. But i thought it was funny.

Paradoxical

2008-05-12T07:10:00.000-07:00

Whats all this crap about feminism.

I think females have already been having an abundance of rights in Singapore. In Fact i believe that there are more rights to a female than a male.

But sad to say other countries dont have the benefits.

Stop whining that guys are better, start thinking what are you doing about it.

I'm gonna cut my hair, just gonna thin it thats all

Oblivion

2008-05-10T10:30:00.000-07:00

Its hard to love the ones we once loved.
Its hard to forgive those who betray us over and over.
Its hard to forget the emotional turmoil they give us.
Its hard to love people who cant love.
Its hard to forgive people we hate.

This developed to a point, where i am, hardened towards any relationship to them. Its hard to restart an engine that we've never turned on in years.

I dont know whether i still love my parents at all.

And this uncertainty, makes me cry, from within.

And i cant comprehend its full meaning.

I dont hate them, neither do i love them, and neither do i spare a thought for them. This is, a problem.

If you're in a gang. Its obvious. Unless ur gang is sibei neng one, but real gangs, the gangsters are OBVIOUS.

If you're a full time sportsman, its obvious also. It doesnt take a long while to find out you're one.

If you're mentally unsound, it only takes a 5 year old kid to know.

As Christians, what should we be. Neng christians or what. If the influence is great, the change is great. If God isn't great what is? It does not take someone to know pastor shirley's a pastor even though she looks 16. Are you, being a "normal" christian.

*neng-soft or fake

Infinite Possibilities

2008-05-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

Impossible only makes possible, seem longer.

What defines you as a Christian.
Simply, believing that God is God and believing that everything in the bible is true. And thats all you need to grant yourself a place in Heaven.

yet ironically, this seems "too difficult" for some.
Hence diluting the simple definition of a christian to.
Listening to christian music
Parents being christian
Grow up in a christian environment
Going to God only when in need
Sub believing that He is God
Coming to church every week, or once a while

heck, such a simple thing needs to be diluted. Pisses me off.

Long long long.

2008-05-08T07:31:00.000-07:00

My hair's like windscreen wipers lurh. When the wind blows it swipes across my face and its rather, annoying. I'm thinking to cut, and not to cut at the same time. Ironical but true. If i'd cut, i dunno how to cut. If i dun cut, i'd have to live with windscreen wipers. But if i cut i'd look, funny, cause i've been having long hair for quite awhile. NOOOOOOOOOOO.

Worked at robotics again. This time its a different robot. I didnt make lurh. Coz they were premade for them. They were p3 international students. I realize that the attitudes of local and international students stand far apart. Both being positive and negative. International school has a serious clique problem. While they are very inquisitive and not afraid to speak their mind. While local students cliques are obvious but we don't go discriminating other cliques and cliques usually break up, or merge into a more "in" clique. Meaning to say, everyone can be with anyone. And that local students have a short attention span, and are often not attentive in class nor curious about the lessons going on. In all, i'd rather be in an international school student. Can have any hair style lurh=X. and i think i'd like the community as well.

On to my tag board.
Yea there are peeps out there saying i wont believe and there would be others saying yes. And there would be those that read the tags then decide upon what its written which is, not really good(no more vocab liao), coz this would really challenge the heart. Also i would like those who have tagged on my blog on the answers, all of them are heartfelt words and so having depths in the answers. If you could do that in your english compo, i'd say you'd score well.

To me, i thought of it over two days i guess. It was a difficult question. Guess what. I'd still believe. Science is ever changing, doesnt mean once they prove it wrong i'd be wrong forever. (The element of faith). Stupidity it seems, but i cant deny the presence of God i've felt before. Yes. I first thought i wouldnt believe, but science just keeps changing, how credible is it? The model of the atom has been changed upteen times, probably what you know now your kids would be learning a whole new thing. Yes i'm stupid, but thats the only meaning in my life. All the other gods to me, seems, illogical compared to God.

Continuation of size does not matter.

2008-05-07T07:27:00.000-07:00

I think God's blessings really showered upon me.
Last two nights were cold. This evening was cold too. Had good sleep.=D.
And we got free lunches everyday.
Our job's so slack
Science centre's a stone throw away.
The people there are so nice=D.
and it doesnt end there.
Knowing slack jobs=boring jobs.
God gave us to work at a robotics centre. Where they teach how to make a robot. Cool eh. I built my own robot too. I'd prolly post everything on my work attatchment week together so i dont have to keep doing it. But i couldnt programme it to move=(. Didnt have the time. And apparently the class I was looking after was a p5 international school. They'd prolly be not much taller than my waist.
but heres this man.
There's a Caucasian that looks like a Model, 2 hot Japanese chicks lurh. Okay, i'm not a pedophile man, i've never seen girls look that good in ages. Right. lets carry on. That's a spice in life=D.
So i had macs, again unfortunately. And kobayashi. Yeah, my appetites growing like mad. Been eating so much u'd never imagine. I better gain weight or i'd cry lurh. Then we had to set up the exhibitions again. So me jonathan abigail and rachel team lurh. Actually we just anyhow one. HAHA.

"Theres a thunderbalt show going on"-alvern
"whats that"-abigail
"thunder-balt"-alvern
"OH!, THUNDER BOLT"-abigail
"isnt it thunderbalt"-alvern
"no its thunderbolt"-abigail
"heck, her english's good"-jonathan
"right, thunderbolt".-alvern

its not easy to accept mistakes pointed from a girl that looked like 12(pointed out by a visitor), but hell, pride's never gonna get yah anywhere. A walking, portable, small, dictionary. Cant deny her depth.

Apparently vivid images of the jap gal doesnt seem to leave my mind.LOL. And i cant accept the fact she's p5.

Size Does Not matter

2008-05-06T08:46:00.000-07:00

when u see a small sized cute girl that wears oversized spectacles. What would you think? Harmless adorable girl.

That wasnt the case for a particular one. I'm not hitting on her btw.

I was appalled when she sang hosanna. As you'd know, it ain't an easy song. At she could almost match up to the original singer. And in fact, if i'm not wrong in my opinion she was better.

And of course people forget things. I forgot her.

Then our paths diverged. We met again at work attachment. Then it was more personal relationship.

I swear, she aint the good ass girl u'd think she is. She's wolf in sheep's skin lurh. A little devil. Her criticisms distinguishes the intelligent and quick witted to the slow and dim wits. Which wasn't the usual criticisms. The play of words she used may have seemed as complimentary comments actually meant the exact opposite.

Then it was certain. "never judge a book by its cover".

And dont go for silicon implants, size doesn't matter.

job was extremely exhausting. It got so boring till it was exhausting. All we did was sit around and attend to less than 20 customers. for 6 hrs. And we get our pay and we eat. But it was rather amusing though, meeting people and how prideful some people are. When clearly they do not know what they are doing.

And how we take for granted the language we use everyday. English wasn't developed overnight. Its still developing and more and more new words are added into oxford dictionary. The communication barrier allowed us to only use actions and simple terms to state our points to people.

And i got scolded because i walked around too much. and didnt attend to the stall when one supervisor caught me. But its cool alright.

And the science center is opened today, so the exhibits are online. I'd post the videos another day. It was cool alright. The telsa coil. But i didnt get a chance to see the thunder bolt, cause that was the time i got scolded.lol.

Faith & Science

2008-05-05T02:58:00.001-07:00

If someone proves the bible's flawed, would faith still be liable in Christianity?

i'm not talking about contradictory statements by the four gospels of who seen the tomb because that discussion has already been talk through. If you wanna know, the main thing is that the tomb was empty and not who saw it. And that females saw the tomb, and not males. The person didnt really matter. The major concept still lies there. So then, what if they proved that there wasn't a tomb or jesus never lived, would you still believe?

please tag ur answer on it.
=================================================================

Work was kinda fun. Well the first part wasnt really fun. We had to cut this super thick yellow Styrofoam which resulted in a cut on my finger. It aint deep, so chicks out there, dun have to worry bout it man.

Then since i made a boo boo they made us cut parafilms. Those are the films that are flexible to seal up petri dishes. So we cut like 99999999999999999999999999999 of them. Its like a super long roll of parafilms. So it got really boring.

Then had lunch. Preettyy cool man. Got 5 bucks kfc voucher! and 2 bucks macs. 7 bucks a day. Yeah, hope u guys had good lunches too.

Then they gave us shirts too=D. Its red, but i wanted the jacket though. It was ORANNGEE..and black..but heck, it was oranngee=xx.. oh wells, the shirt was good too.

Then it was the highlight of the day. After the mundane manual labour, we get more manual labour. But with SMSS. We helped as assistants for the experiments and i realised that gals school, the gals are much more bimbo. Which makes my hair stand. I thank God to be in fairfield, not that the girls are great, is that they arent bimbo. Although there are some bimbos.

Then work ended off with the packing up of the lab yeah. Oh yeah, they thank the teacher which was my supervisor "thank you and god bless you teacher". Reminisced about the fairfield primary i was in. Oh well. Work was fun. The gals were interactive. They laughed at everything i said. Which was, funny. But i just giggled in my mind. Thats the first day of work=D

Help

2008-05-04T07:27:00.000-07:00

I dont need Fish, I need Fishers.

I dont need a fine, i need a fine society.

I dont need love, i need to give love.

I dont need gifts, i need joy.
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Actually,
i dont need any thing, i need God

and i shall posts some pictures of those who THINK they're beautiful, and because they think they're beautiful, probably, they're not.

Featuring.....
contestant number 1.
the following would make you understand what i mean..

she takes photos of herself

She "poses" in fotos

she uses people to amplify her beautiful image

Attempts to Take "emo" shots.

Realising she's not so beautiful anymore, using lizhen to fill in for her.

Also, the priceless expressions. of different people.lol.

Contestant number 2.

Thinking that she had a good hair day, or something.
well, she's changed a bit.

maybe, or somehow, her face is NOT IN THE PICTURE.
hmm, i must find out why.

Inspirations

2008-05-03T18:14:00.000-07:00

Being the extremist, i still have to understand balance

Global warming........

2008-05-01T07:10:00.001-07:00

Floorball totally owned. PLayed like 6hours. Yeah, but i didnt play 6 hours straight. N i didnt score any today. But it was alright, won a couple of games. And my stick suffers the consequence of intensive play. Now i've gotta buy a new blade. And i'm still angry with you feeb. Lol.

road to crescent, and the floorball court

Hees, as i was walking i thought of the church camps. I was trapped in my own dimension of memories. They were like tv-screens showing different movies all at the same time, and i liked it. I laughed silently at some, i was sad at some, and embarrassed at others. And not long after, the roads tribute, and i had to come back to reality, and all my memories went floating off the roads. But heck, it was nice. I'm not mentally unsound though. I just like memories.lol.

Global warming is really taking a toll on man's body. One moment its cold, the next its burning. Rain comes in HUGE quantities. Floodings become more distinct. Urgh. Save plastics, save the word. Off your bloody air cons, LIKE NOW.

They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
With a pink hotel, a boutique
And a swinging hot spot
Dont it always seem to go
That you dont know what youve got
Till its gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

They took all the trees
Put em in a tree museum
And they charged the people
A dollar and a half just to see em
Dont it always seem to go
That you dont know what youve got
Till its gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

Hey farmer farmer
Put away that d.d.t. now
Give me spots on my apples
But leave me the birds and the bees
Please!
Dont it always seem to go
That you dont know what youve got
Till its gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

Late last night
I heard the screen door slam
And a big yellow taxi
Took away my old man
Dont it always seem to go
That you dont know what youve got
Till its gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

this was a song that kicked start unseen poem for lit presented by mrs quah. speaks alot.

How great is our God.

2008-04-30T08:01:00.000-07:00

I guess theres nothing to be angry about the maybe so. Because it is part of the plan, basically, i'd should be glad, its finally over. Ending on a cliffhanger though. The kind that i like, interestingly. And basically because i might have underdeveloped connecting tissues, the valves of my heart dont work very well. And in time to come, dilation of my aorta will soon arive. And that is went cardiac arrest will grip me, the quick death, oh wells, at least theres a chance of it not being this way, but thats just what i'd get if i have marfans, and if i dont, i'd just be a guy with a crapped up valve.

Thats my first testimony, not diagnosed with marfans yet with countless evidence pointing towards it at the begining.

My second testimony, answered prayers. You guys know i didnt wanna go for obs, then i got this suspected marfan thing then i got worried and my story continues. And now i have to do work attatchment. Guess where?. SCIENCE CENTER siaa..Work starts at 9.30am-5.30pm. I wake up at 9am also can reach on time. I'm like THANKS GOD FOR THE WONDERFUL JOB YOU GAVE ME. And probably zach too.lol. Maybe its an indication.

My third testimony. Being the major stm suffering guy, i went to collect my phone, but i forgot to bring the acknowledgment slip. And i'm like HECK NO...but i insisted to go,with God's prompting, and in the end, they didnt need it, and i'm like YES!. I didnt waste my trip. And i wanna thank god for delivering me from that circumstance. Prayer helps.

My forth, Being the prideful person i am. I got out of wisma, no idea how to get to the opposite side to get to the bus stop to take bus home coz i bought mac'd and i wanted to eat. So yeah, cannot eat in train but can eat on bus. So yea i asked God not man, for wisdom and i just went under to orchard mrt station, then let the holy spirit guide me, then i arrived at the bus stop=D. Then i hopped on, the bus once i arrived on the bus stop. And God gave me the seat i wanted tooo=D. See i'm so loved.

I'd give credit to God, because to me, coincidence is God's way of being annoynomous-albert einstein.

Yes, No, Maybe So

2008-04-28T06:27:00.000-07:00

My trip to the doctor was a rather amusing one. I was under 15, hence grouped under KIDS. Apparently i went to the kiddie doctors. So yeah. The place were filled with kids. And i'm like 182. And the oldest closest person was a GES girl. She was in school u though. And the rest were KIIDSS. Quite adorable, but i felt, weird.

The doctor felt my heart beat again. Slight murmur heard. And then she got her apprentice to look at me. Did the same thing. At least i contributed to society=D. And my doctor knows the cardiologist i visited at raffles hospital. The one with beautiful hand writing. lol.

And after taking an x-ray, the diagnosis.

Maybe so.

and i'm like, can I do the MRI. Then the doctor say if it shows negative results, it doesnt prove that you dont have marfans. Because symptoms may develope. So i'm like argh heck. At least give me a yes or no. Now i didnt make plans for maybe so, RAH.

How annoying. Prolly God's teasing me.lol.

Let your will be Done

2008-04-27T18:21:00.000-07:00

Its 1h39mins away from judgement, i'm rather excited.

If i dont get marfan's, i've got a testimony.

If i do, i get a short life, be slim for the rest of my life, and tall of course.

Kind reminder, if i ever do get marfans, dont EVER see me through tinted lenses as if i'm a wooden chopstick, cause my heart, not the literal one, but the spiritual one, is of a trunk.

I dont intend to live long, neither do i intend to be rich. Because being rich results in unfulfilled lives.

i'd rather live poor but in great fulfillment rather to be rich living without meaning.

I seem to be more excited getting marfan then not getting it, but to me, its just the same, cause i serve one thing, The God of my life. Through that, i see no failures.

===============================================================
My hair turned guinea pigged. Through this month i used 3 different types of shampoo, ranging in prices, certainly producing varying results.
contestant no.1

lousiest shampoo, used it to go back to lousy hair. Actually it was inevitable i had to use it because my shampoo ran out.

Loreal, After the first wash, i could literally feel my hair smooth. Good choice kay. I know it's a gal's brand but heck.

Dove. Personally i felt that loreal was better, but this is good too. Naturally, for the price you hadda pay. Hair feels thicker and smoother.

Hence concluding with, loreal the winner. And my hair, messed up with chemicals.LOL.scarly dove and loreal come filling a law suit against me.hahah.

Convictions

2008-04-26T20:43:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe that CD6 cannot grow. With our adverse diversity, no matter how hard i try, i cant disprove the amber awaiting to become flames. Untouched potential.

I have the strong believe that all the school WILL be completed because the group CAN move, it is if they have the desire to. I will not stick to big as Fairfield's big, cause that has came and gone, the new must come. And CD6 is all ready to prove our stand with God when we finally, go through some errands. Unfortunately.

I guess i've blogged about my group before, i'm so sorry.hahahha..

Handphone spoiilltt=(

2008-04-22T07:02:00.000-07:00

my beautiful 5megapixel handphone has failed me. But it still works, just some function errors. So, probably this would finally allow us to go taka to eat since the nearest sony erricson hospital is at wisma atria.

Man U vs Chelsea
( positive ( negative
marfan marfan
results) results)
From 2-0 to 2-2
With the extra time played on Monday, which will finally announce which will triumph over, logical reasonings vs, the power of God.

Oh yeah peeps, as some of you already know HILSONGS COMING TO TOWN. At new creation church on the 24th of may. Some already scurrying to find your phone to check the day, its on a Saturday but its gonna be AT NIGHT and its gonna be at Expo however its not gonna be free because theres gonna be a ticket system. Its 5 Bucks each person, but i think its VERY CHEAP, so those wanna come drop a tag on my tag board, feel free to bring friends. Thanks to Esther who's in new creation church and in my class.

Fantasy meets Reality

2008-04-21T03:43:00.000-07:00

I vividly remember having the mindset "not everyone can be a leader, only some GIFTED people then can be leader one, so ai ya, bo bian follow people lurh"

Then when i just joined church mindsets change
"If i was given the chance to be leader i confirm take it up"

And now
"I want to be a leader everyday"

My first mindset was indeed correct, but my major misconception was what the gift was. I thought it was attributes, but it was simply, Desire.

As i progressed to be a Christian, all the teachings proved to be useful, yet the element of the past still remained hence such a mindset. What is the role of the leader.

To lead aka taking initiative

Cliche as it sounds but its true. Think with me. To fulfil Cg08 CD needs 9 CLs, 9 schools, 9 CLs. Currently we have 7. Desmond Jing Wen Ren Ting Phoebe Keef Jem and I. Of which Ren Ting and Phoebe take care of 2 care groups of fairfield. Desmond Pioneering Cat high. Jem and Keef merged, which eventually would split. And for Me. The schools under me are acs barker,acsi,nus High,RI,Cat high If all these schools were to complete their schools, think with me. Am I going to hold CG of 4 or 5 Schools?. Obviously not.

We're never lacking of People coming in, We're always lacking People to lead the people coming in. The leaders that would lay down their life for their sheeps.

And of course, ULs needs to be produced, DLs too. And hopefully a new pastor?not that shirley is advancing in age resulting in detrimental beauty but growth is always a new start at different levels.

Untruth

2008-04-20T06:57:00.000-07:00

Christopher* said something meaningful.

There is only one thing that can happen at one time. And when i think of how to lie i'd get scared because there are a millions of things that cannot happen at that time.

thats roughly what he said. I'm very impressed at his statement. Thats why, lieing never gets away. It will fall, because it has an unstable foundation.

*christopher-the curious incident of the dog in the night time

hence the love of lit.

Impulsiveness

2008-04-19T10:41:00.000-07:00

This word explains a portion of my life, a big one.

I tend to build up anger deep within when people disappoint me. But then, recently, i found out of it, and each time i build up anger, i build up enough resolve to keep me cool, "am I angry for Christ.", constant phrase lingering in the mind. Which led me to a conversation with God.

Daniel asks for any one with a word come forth and speak.

"God, give me a word, I will speak"

"The torch and the cane"-it was revealed to me during service, but not in whole

Internal Conflict ransacked history of the 1 year Christian. That moment, it felt that God was so near, yet i closed the door infront of him, with my back leaned agaisnt it, having regretfulness not living up to my word. Then God said

"The people are listening"

I took the step forward. I was pretty far behind, so i used is as an excuse as not coming forth, but then i knew, it was insensible, such wisdom, laid upon me, gone to waste because of my own selfish ambitions.

The mike seemed unnaturally heavy. My muscles became soft, with such immense pressure with all 80 odd pairs of years listening to every breath. Each word i spoke, God put in more. Each phrase i said, God made it a sentense. Each sentense i spoke, God added another. It wasn't my wisdom. It was certain.

Vague my testimony may seem, but if you do get the drift, i pray that this would be your empowerment statement that would move the nerves of ur legs to the front.
===================================================================

Xanthe's fetish for haikus had a ripple effect. I still prefer poems though. This came as i walked across the streets, while conversing with God.

For her beauty lasts from dusk to dawn
But God's lasts all days' long.
Eventually For what is seen Wont be seen
And Whats not Seen will be Seen.
Love for One is Hate for Other
and Hell's the route for the Former.
Absence of the father in hell would send people in Terror.
My love for people is expressed in words and rhymes
For God's love is expressed in ways not in our minds.
Live your life they way you want
.........................................................................................................And dire consequence Lay in Front

An attempt, i think some points are rather vague, but i guess thats why poems are fun, because when u finally understand it, u get a sense of achievement. God bless.

L.O.V.E

2008-04-17T23:51:00.000-07:00

I guess the former is very much well known among ourselves and how much we appreciate it. And the key thing most girlfriends in SINGAPORE drama series always repeats"ni ai bu ai wo" aka"do you love me?" and the constant reply "wo ai ni" aka " i love you". Yet, its so obvious, how often we dont mean what we say. How many times we screw up our relationships even though we tell them i love you. I guess the first two greatest commandments "love your god with all your heart, mind, strength, soul" and " love your neighbour as yourself" would probably mean that it would reap the most harvest. Though knowing that, it is the most difficult to honour, making ourselves, the worst representation of Christ.

I guess the choice of who to love more isnt applicable, but the choice loving all people is. Its tough, but I'll start it step by step, eventually reaching my summit.

Christ probably laid down the meaning of love. Its obvious, the life of jesus was love. Now with that example, i will try and mirror it. Setting myself a personal Goal, which is a PLAN. Often, people talk so much about doing good, yet they themselves never set the example, i am one of them.that probably makes me such an ass the way i define it.

Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.
Martin Luther King Jr., Strength to Love, 1963
US black civil rights leader & clergyman (1929 - 1968)

Announcements Arent always, good, or bad.

2008-04-17T02:18:00.000-07:00

Topped the class for lit, with 20/25!. It was the unseen poem. And i was so worried over it because sometimes some poems i sibei cmi. Must thank God for such limitless wisdom and insight. The poem was about war and starvation, so yeah.

School's got a problem with us now. Cause we frequently camp at the foyer, doing our quiet time, and diligently moving towards the parade square on time. Bus driver unhappy with the punctuality have to impose a new "standard". Being nerds to go to parade sq. straight after arriving in school. I mean, its freaking uncomfortable, and we cant copy homework where everyone's looking, our books arent by our sides. Its so inconvenient. And besides, we're not the ones contributing to the late coming. And he just has to do it. ARGH. His AQ totally sucks like hell. He has no leadership qualities. He talks with NO charisma. His targeted audience is confused. What are you? bus driver, principal or law enforcer?

Also, because of the canteen cleaniness which he deems to be flithy because of CERTAIN ASSCRACKS who constantly dump their freaking rubbish on the tables have cause us, US, to "enjoy" school cooked food, which i deem, unpalatable. Sometimes, i think, "you call this food". Now my constant recess of oreo cookies and chips have been taken off, including all the beautiful nutritious snacks have all been taken off the shelves. Because to aid cleaniness. Heres my point, does it solve the problem. HE freaking ain't finding the root problem, the root problem aint the freaking packagings. Its the character of some ass cracks. Argh, the people i have to love is the unlovable. inclusive of ass cracks and bus driver. The bible sure is the best aid to living. urgh

Oh yeah, after fasting and praying over my group i finally found out what are the problems that needs to be solved. and i pray that i would solve these problems in this quater. Certainly Zachary have instilled the practice of, planning. Which i'm notorious for, last minute studying.

Specialist, special treatments.

2008-04-16T08:01:00.000-07:00

I went to the doctor, specialist actually. At raffles hospital. Yeah, its quite an exquisite hospital. Facillities are GREAT, but i didnt like certain things i had to do. Wear a purple(why the heck purple) bathrobe for x-ray and yank off my shirt for the heart scan thingy. U know the thing where pregnant women get to see their baby, they used it to see my heart. Then the stick those little stickers on me and had plugs connected to them. They dun hurt, until the doctor STRIPPED it off my skin. And i was like OW. And u know they apply this slimy lubricant thingy on me, its disgusting lurh. Like those they apply on pregnant women to see their babies.

Oh yeah, u know doctors have a long lined of notoriety to be known to suck at handwritting, my indonesian chinese doctor and sexy cursive handwritting and i was appalled.

Anyway, i only have a 5-10% chance of marfan. And guess what, if i have marfan, i dun have to go NS. how cool's that. but my insurance would be very high though.

Heres my results:
Bone strucutre of Marfan Syndrome: Positive
Hip Structure of Marfan syndrome: Negative
Heart Structure of Marfan Syndrome: Positive
Eye structure of Marfan Syndrome : Yet to be found out
Nervous System of Marfan Syndrome : Yet to be found out

gonna go back on 26/4. to find out. ALl i need is 3 out of 4 of the things and i have marfan. so yeah.

This was the closest i could get to take a foto of tim hughes. At the Central worship thing. The aka planet shakers concert.

i heard that on friday planet shakers didnt play the base solo. It owned my ass man. And the friday people couldnt stand infront while i could. And when u sit when everyone was jumping, u'd feel like standing again, because the floor was jumping together, so was the chairs, but i felt really giddy, so i sat on.

I went to eat at tcc with my mum after my visit to the doctor. Yeah the bill went up to 60bucks. 0.0 more money for me to spend at tcc with my accumulated points. Thanks zach for the card=D
they gave me an orange plate too. coincidentally thou. i didnt take a photo of it thou. but it looked great. Its really nice.

hee my x-ray film. U know most of the times the x ray films comes out after a day, this came out after a few minutes. Thats why i thought raffles hospital was good. Yea thats my hip. And my STRAIGHT spine, no curvature=D. Cool right, dun jealous k, i know u guys have a curved spined of -0.1 degrees onwards=D.
p.s i dun remember any bone in between my legs=X.

Enough Already

2008-04-14T01:58:00.000-07:00

if u havent gotten bored of me nagging about my illness then probably u've got one yourself. anyway=D

Is being honest at ALL TIMES the best policy?
or is it selective speaking, then again, is not speaking equavalient to not lieing.

Some may say, of course the motion stands. Being honest is always at best.

In a scenario when your boss cooks his first meal and he treats u to it, asking you to sample it, obviously tasting disgusting, you put on a facade, showing a faint smile "delicious"

Would you do it.

Remember, things are at stake especially family

then it brought me to a stage of thinking that drived me to serve

if everyone were better listeners, why would there be a chance for us to not be honest with one another.

sometimes it aint really about you, its about society and how we have to change it

Seeing things.

2008-04-12T06:20:00.000-07:00

I went to a doctor today, some normal one. Now i've got an extra heartbeat..zzz..oh nvm.

Good things-
i can be normal.
means i can do everything i used to do=D
play and go wild till damn late.

Bad things-
My chances of not having marfan syndrome is rather slim(who cares)
I'd just have to die young.
So its either i live in comfort, or live in meaning

remember the post courages people dont live long, but cowards dont live at all.
prolly i'd be courageous.

Okay, how you guys can help me
DONATE=D.
jk.
dun throw me into water
no tao pok
no sudden whacking
no trying to faint me
okay, i'm just kidding

iono what to tell u how to help me but just see me the way u did before?
and do the normal things
AND OF COURSE,
disappointment brings heart aches, so help me not to get disappointed. More so God.

and no, i'm not sad of what i have, i'm just thankful that God made me more urgent. And of course, My situation was planned, why afraid?

Time,always thought highly off, slaps me in the face

2008-04-09T08:04:00.000-07:00

The dark path, only dimly lit by the everlasting flame, burning in the lantern, keeps me away from the uncertainties. Yet, there are some, i have yet to discover. Faith drives me now.

heres my illness. Btw, is incurable and i will find out whether it is true on 28/4. so yeah

Marfan Syndrome

Definition Return to top

Marfan syndrome is a disorder of connective tissue, the tissue that strengthens the body's structures. Disorders of connective tissue affect the skeletal system, cardiovascular system, eyes, and skin.

Causes Return to top

Marfan syndrome is caused by defects in a gene called fibrillin-1. Fibrillin-1 plays an important role as the building blocks for elastic tissue in the body. A problem with this gene results in changes in elastic tissues, particularly in the aorta, eye, and skin. The gene defect also causes overgrowth of the long bones of the body. resulting in the tall height and long arms and legs seen in persons with this syndrome. How this overgrowth happens is not well understood.

In most cases, Marfan syndrome is inherited, which means it is passed down through families. However, up to 30% of cases have no family history. Such cases are called "sporadic." In sporadic cases, the syndrome is believed to result from a spontaneous new gene defect.

Symptoms Return to top

Persons with Marfan syndrome are usually tall with long, thin arms and legs and spider-like fingers -- a condition called arachnodactyly. When they stretch out their arms, the lenght of their arms is significantly greater than their height.

Other symptoms include:

Highly arched palate and crowded teeth
Nearsightedness
Dislocation of the lens of the eye
Funnel chest (pectus excavatum) or pigeon breast (pectus carinatum)
Scoliosis
Flat feet
Learning disability
Thin, narrow face
Micrognathia (small lower jaw)
Coloboma of iris
Hypotonia

Exams and Tests Return to top

The doctor will perform a physical exam. There may be hypermobile joints and signs of heart valve problems, aneurysms, or a collapsed lung.

An eye exam may show vision problems, defects of the lens or cornea, or retinal detachment.

The following tests may be performed:

Echocardiogram
Fibrillin-1 mutation testing (in some individuals)

An echocardiogram should be done every year to look at the base of the aorta.

Treatment Return to top

Visual problems should be corrected when possible. Care should be taken to prevent the development of scoliosis, especially during adolescence.

Medicine to slow the heart rate may help prevent stress on the aorta. Competitive athletics and contact sports should be discouraged so that injury to the heart does not occur. In some cases, surgical replacement of the aortic root and valve is needed.

People with Marfan syndrome should take antibiotics before dental procedures in order to prevent endocarditis. Pregnant women with Marfan syndrome must be monitored very closely because of the increased stress on the heart and aorta.

Support Groups Return to top

National Marfan Foundation -- www.marfan.org

Outlook (Prognosis) Return to top

Heart-related complications may shorten the lifespan of persons with this disease. However, many patients survive well into their 60s. The lifespan may be extended further with good care and heart surgery.

Possible Complications Return to top

Complications may include:

Aortic regurgitation
Aortic rupture
Bacterial endocarditis
Dissecting aortic aneurysm
Enlargement of the base of the aorta
Heart failure
Mitral valve prolapse
Scoliosis
Vision problems

When to Contact a Medical Professional Return to top

Experts recommend genetic counseling for couples with a history of this syndrome who wish to have children.

Prevention Return to top

Spontaneous new mutations leading to Marfan (less than 1/3 of cases) cannot be prevented.

So much for time. I have a rainbow of emotions. 1. I'm kinda happy, i'm serious. I get to see papa sooner. 2. It's gonna get painful. 3. I'd miss YOU if i ever disappear. 4. Strong sense that i have this disease 5. A little twinkle of hope that says i dont have.

If you got time to worry about me, start worrying about ur group first.

The Truth will set you free.

2008-04-07T20:19:00.001-07:00

I decided to head to the doctor today, cause i wanted to fill up my obs form and i was too lazy to go to school. I told the doctor i had headache then she ask me to do some actions. It was the test for

Spinocerebellar degeneration

I was stunned for a moment, cause lol, what if i fail the test. But i was perfectly normal. Oh yeah, i know what they were testing for because of the show "one litre of tears", its a good sad show. I showed her my obs form and i was brought to another room

As yall know i'm reluctant to camp along with school teachers and i hoped that i wouldn't, but i never knew what wishes i shouldn't have wished for.

When i walked out the door feeling a sense of unaccomplishment because i have not brought my health booklet so my form wasn't filled up properly. I approached the counter and it was when the clerk told me to go back in. I thought it was just because i left something inside.

The doctor performed more detailed checks.

Her suspicion, heart problems.

And i was like WHAT?.

Then it made some sense when she elaborated, because i have flexible tissue it may mean i have this "long word illness" thingy.

I pondered, how does an unsporty person, who doesnt play sports extensively or work out, have a sit and reach 56cm. Not astounding, but i never practice stretching before. Her check of me using my thumb touching my wrist was reconfirmed, she refered me to another doctor.

I have yet to discuss my situation with my parents. Oh yeah, i'm still fine. LOL. Diagnosis may be wrong.

Now all that i have learnt in church has been put into action. Having joy in the midst of turmoil.

oh yeah, it aint april fool's joke at all.

oh yeah, and i'm not emoing, so dont worry about my emotional status.

Frozen Moments of Time

2008-04-06T07:08:00.000-07:00

The sweet beauty of a young maiden lasts as long as a season,
Yet the unsurmountable glamor of the creator seizes time at his hands.
Ironically i wished time lasted longer with the former than the latter.

Oh yeah, i got this really cool specs from Joshua thats from Dior. How cool's that. I'm gonna wear to school=D. I wish to thank his generosity in public for all to know! He's a hot nice ass.
After failed attempts of trying to faint i guess my passion has finally died off. Well i got as close as seeing my world turn to darkness slowly, feeling absolutely tired, then dizzy, but then never faint, but oh wells, seems like my caregroup all "fainted" before.

My impromptu studying with Joshua alone was crashed by Central C gals at The Grand Cathay. What sweet affinity. Just kidding, i was more concentrated on my work compared to my surroundings. I'm serious!. Even the PSP proved to mean much more than staring into flaking Gold.

Oh yeah, wearing my hot specs gained serious public attention. When i was on the train EVERYONE glared at me. Then cause i knew everyone would, then this woman stared at me with wide open eyes and i looked back at her then she stun for 1 sec then turn away..WHAHAHHAAH..i'm a scary man. lol.okay..i'm insane.

My flame engulfs everything in me, and because of that, i feel consumed so frequently, because of that, i laid myself upon human logic, sleep. Obliterating the infinite potency of God;ending up not praying. Hence concluding, sleep isn't what i truly need, what i truly need, is a established prayer life that feeds my blaze.

Speaking of which, its a visit to biblegateway.com again

Timeless Adventure

2008-04-05T10:03:00.000-07:00

To his Coy Mistress

by Andrew Marvell

Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime.
We would sit down and think which way
To walk, and pass our long love's day;
Thou by the Indian Ganges' side
Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood;
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow.
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, lady, you deserve this state,
Nor would I love at lower rate.

But at my back I always hear
Time's winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found,
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song; then worms shall try
That long preserv'd virginity,
And your quaint honour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust.
The grave's a fine and private place,
But none I think do there embrace.

Now therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may;
And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour,
Than languish in his slow-chapp'd power.
Let us roll all our strength, and all
Our sweetness, up into one ball;
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Thorough the iron gates of life.
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.

This poem rather descriptive and uses a lot of metaphors such as "worms,virginity", i took twice to finally understand the full meaning of it, its a rather difficult poem, but i think it speaks a lot how girls really burn time and we have so much to do, and so little time, all we have to do is to give them up.

oh yeah if u didnt know, i like literature, cause i'm interested in psychology yeah. Literature is probably a way to go about. And i like how word play can be so amusing, especially when u use it to scold someone. The correct play of words will dumbfound one instantly.

okay nvm if u dont get anything. HAHA. This is a random post. but i like this poem though

Familiar faces, Familiar occasion

2008-04-01T03:25:00.000-07:00

Today we celebrate April fool's day. Although my class didnt really do anything, there was a spectacular event today. I went to meet up with wei jie to teach him how to do holy comm=D. So as i fasted, i was hungry so i went to my favourite fast food restaurant kentucky fried chicken aka KFC8D to gobble down the food. As i was eating and chatting, i saw this familiar figure of a not so tall girl, hahaha, most girl's arent tall, okay anyway it was cleo, with her two lovely crazy friends. So i waved to her then i went back to talk to wei jie, not noticing she came in with a big sunflower and a bar of chocolates. Yep and then they wanted to prank their friend so they asked us to help to "jio" her friend by giving her flowers and chocolate with a post-it-pad. Mine was "roses are red, violets are blue, i think of sunflowers when i think of you"-p.s hope u like it. oh so mushy, then wei jie was worse lurh "dont stand out in the rain cause i learnt in science that sugar dissolves in water". How sexy was that lurh. Those were thanks to cleo's friends. HAHA. Wonder why she got such an amazing jioing phrases. HMM..Anyway, while waiting for her to initiate everything i was teaching wei jie how to plan holy comm. Overly engrossed with my teaching i didnt realise my phone rang like 10x or something. Then cleo's friend came back down to kfc to ask me to watch my phone. So i did.hahaha.. Then i continued teaching then soon after she asked me to go best denki and wei jie to go marks and spencer. haha. Then wei jie was rather anxious/shy i guess, guys school what. Then i said to him, relax lurh just enjoy and act normal. Then they approached wei jie first which we didnt expect, then me. Then i was walking around the best denki area, then theres this mini shop owner stare at me looking at me holding this HUGE flower. Unglam. Anyway they came to us and i gave the flowers away and asked to make it look real "eh can i have ur number?" then she gave me cleo's number, lol. Then i went back to teach wei jie. What a april fools joke lurh. And i found out that the pranked didnt know it was a prank yet.LOL.

Living my life in accordance to?

2008-03-31T05:12:00.000-07:00

You feel worn out, physically and mentally. Recently the going has been tough and it looks as if there is still a considerable way for you to go before you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. If only you could put a protecting wall around yourself and cut yourself off from the rest of the world - be it even for only a little while - how wonderful it would be, but you can't - so you need to bear with it. Just when everything will seem at its lowest ebb you will find that there is a turnabout and your problems will seem to find a way of resolving themselves.

You are in need of rest, some peace and quiet. You feel the need to be close to that someone special, that someone who can give you that special consideration and unquestioning affection that you seek. If you don't find that 'special someone' and resolve your problems very soon, you are liable to become extremely introverted and cut yourself off from society.

Enough is enough - but the problems never seem to stop. They never stop. You feel, and maybe you are right, that the problems seem to go on and on and you have indeed had more than your fair share of trials and tribulations. But to give you credit - you bounce back time and time again - you stick to your beliefs because deep down you have that inner knowledge, that 'belief' system that in the end, everything will turn out OK - and you are right -it will!

The stress and tension that you are experiencing at this time is perhaps due to your inability to achieve security and appreciation from those closest to you. This is resulting in considerable pressures. You find the situation as it stands most frustrating. You are the sort of person that would like to experience all and everything very intensely but unfortunately you are not receiving the warmth and understanding that you feel you are entitled to. Matters are not going too well. You seek a sympathetic ear but it is not forthcoming. This situation is extremely nerve-racking - and what is more humiliating is that no-one seems to care and you are powerless to do anything about it.

You wish to safeguard yourself against criticism or conflict and to embed yourself in a protected situation. You are a difficult person to relate to and very difficult to please.

I laugh at this, beacuse this is what everyone feels at any moment, but it isn't that instilled in my mind. They're only a few things that are similar to me NOW, and its very generalized. Funny it is but, heck it works for others. And i realised people are very fond of their star signs, cause they wanna find out how's their life gonna be, but they tend to live their life in accordance to it

bolded=ME

http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/index.htm

Tears, Welled up in the Eyes.

2008-03-29T09:28:00.000-07:00

Thursday's prayer meet was quite an astounding one. It WAS a last minute planning, yet i still would have count it successful. It proved how much each individual who desperately desires to seek God to be present in the prayer meet. With Yao Yi, that was hit with ugly germs, dragged his physical body to prayer meet to feed the spiritual mind. A commendable act.

I felt that the openess between each pillar has certainly risen. From timid hearts to hearts of courage and self-confidence when God nudges them. Each pillar prayed for a particular group of people and it certainly isn't an easy task, i knew how it feels to pray for the first time or probably the first few times, words just dont come out fluently like how pastor shirley does, mind gets blocked up the vocab seems amazingly disturbing, grammar totally out of place, but everyone catch the drift because of the soul factor, the Desire.

It wasnt long when God began to knock at my door, asking me to speak out my prayer request. And certainly, i wasn't that responsive. God didnt want to let this "spectacular event" a pass. I asked like what all new believers would, "give me a unique something, and i will say what you want me to, because it is a confirmation of that you told me to."-it is a faithless mindset that i know but the trigger was Joshua when i had no idea of his situation and then i had the similar situation and of course it ain't everyday someone gets this problem. (Identity sealed for privacy).
And i cried.

Too bad if u didnt see me cry, lol, but heex. As much as i tried to hold back, the tears oppressed the resistance and open the dams of my tear glands and whee, it just came. Unglam it is, but i didnt care. Ehhh, if u got a picture pls dun show okay..its embarrassing, and dun suan me on it josuha, you've been of excellency=D. Prayer meet certainly was fruitful, it made me so much more clear of what i had to do. Pray.

Then we feasted on snacks, jerky meat=D, and mac'd=(. Fruitful in spirit, Fruitful in body. Satisfaction, Guaranteed.

Friday's floorball was a kick start of a new revolution for me. Running more. I realised my stamina has just increased significantly. And it used to be the 5v5 i'm the camper, even on 5v5 but now 4v4, running. but not alot though. 4v4's real fun, exciting, thrilling, when goals seemed to be POINT BLANK, the ball seemed to go out of course. Right keef.=D..

Service, i teared. Not a lot though. i was just so pressurized why things that affect me cant be diverted away/repaired by me. I just can only, sit and watch and do nothing. I cant be at the battlefield and gain control. It was then shirley's fear to faith teaching that brought about the ripple effect in my heart. It was then i realised how powerderful prayer is. When God's in control, what's out of control. Similarly When God's in control, you have no control. So i put my trust in God.

Long post..never had one in ages. And i guess now people know i like to cry, hahaha..Physical pain don't bring about tears, its always, when faith and hope forcefully dismembered into pieces that shatters my heart.

So DONT BREAK MY HEART<3.
lol

General Formula

2008-03-27T02:46:00.000-07:00

just like how any quadratic equation can be solved by

Success can simply be derived from
*Desire+Attitude=Success

True success, then, requires a free attribute
*God+Desire+Attitude=True Success

View of Heaven

2008-03-26T08:38:00.000-07:00

17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like. ‘I wowed ‘em,’ he later told his father, Bruce. ‘It’s a killer. It’s the bomb. It’s the best thing I ever wrote..’ It also was the last.

Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend’s house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.

The Moores framed a copy of Brian’s essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. ‘I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it,’ Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son’s vision of life after death. ‘I’m happy for Brian. I know he’s in heaven. I know I’ll see him.’

Brian’s Essay: The Room…
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read ‘Girls I have liked.’ I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn’t match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named ‘Friends’ was next to one marked ‘Friends I have betrayed.’ The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird ‘Books I Have Read,’ ‘Lies I Have Told,’ ‘Comfort I have Given,’ ‘Jokes I Have Laughed at .’ Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: ‘Things I’ve yelled at my brothers.’ Others I couldn’t laugh at: ‘Things I Have Done in My Anger’, ‘Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.’ I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked ‘TV Shows I have watched’, I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn’t found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked ‘Lustful Thoughts,’ I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.

I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!’ In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn’t matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it.. The title bore ‘People I Have Shared the Gospel With.’ The handle was brighter than those around it,seemed newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn’t bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.

He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn’t anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn’t say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. ‘No!’ I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was ‘No, no,’ as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn’t be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, ‘It is finished.’ I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.’-Phil. 4:13 ‘For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.’ If you feel the same way forward it so the love of Jesus will touch their lives also My ‘People I shared the gospel with’ file just got bigger, how about yours?

credits to
jang

============================================================

It's so amazing how my train of wildest thoughts were parallel to this essay.

Are you ashamed of the Gospel of Your name

Paths Diverged

2008-03-26T07:06:00.001-07:00

The gift of life,
Is the salvation of death.

Sometimes the gift of death is the salvation from life.

i'm not committing suicide btw.

It takes a second to screw up a year's time of reputation

2008-03-23T06:56:00.000-07:00

Aside from me and girls and all sorts.

I guess city harvest do have a little cranked up reputation.
Sun and all. I visited their church today. For their easter service. I liked their drama, they acted out the days of Jesus. And then they acted out the whipping and the cruxification. It made the bible so much more visible. I missed their praise though, cause i was late. OOps.. Oh yea, city harvest is really very big, they have this huge hall, then they dun even have enough seats for their people, rather amusing. Okay, i'm not moving to city harvest fyi, i love hope more, its more warm. Oh yeah, and i saw a fairfield hope girl attending city harvest too. I have no idea whats her name, that goes to show how much my fetish has gone, and also how much the girls have advanced. She frantically waved at me, which i didnt know until i stared at her for 5 seconds before realising, SHE'S FAMILIAR. LOL. And they got free food=D..for the new visitors, which i was entitled to=). I didnt eat alot though. But i thought the leaders there were quite great. Most of the time they were taking the food, and i just stood where i stand, and its like the buffet was with me. Anyway, when i boarded the bus with aquila and his leader i guess, he asked me whether i was in church and all. Then i said, i'm a leader in my church(unboastful manner), he got shocked and kept silent for a moment then he continued. I don't know the reason but i realised that Hope really has this unique attribute that youth leads youth. Its hard to find. Their youths are already over puberty age while we're still going thru these stages. LOL. joshua thats why i still sound like crap(i'm 14 still). Anyway their structure is quite similar to hope. so yeah..

I think they're not as bad as i thought them to be. Hence the title

Things that grip from within

2008-03-22T18:18:00.000-07:00

Okay..firstly i thought the composed song was excellent. As in its super touching. And, of course being a pianist aspiration deeps in. And the floor was filled with changing lives, one by one. And we grew by 2=D..after the long weeks.Now we're left with 2 and we can finally move concentrating on other schools, so i can help at the battlefield, not at the headquarters challenging people, theres this strong desire to help, but i just cant.

Joshua's trance step in again. He starts suaning me every moment. And he spoke something like this "in school, we cant fight, so we use our mouths to fight". I guess thats the power of language. If you can speak very fluently, proving your point to the teachers would be easy, but the thing is, we tend to get angry when teachers miss our point and thats when we loose the whole argument. Just the slight anger.

Anyway, Joshua, if you haven't known me enough these things do pinch, but i don't get REALLY angry over them. I tend to ignore them then i move on to my train of thoughts, so sometimes i forget what you say. But i know you feel alright about that rite?. And now i feel some regrets on writing that because it gives him the liability to suan me, cause i dun get angry.

There're just some things i get really pissed off with. When i see people, that come into church, make a fool out of themselves outside church. It just dampens my heart how they play with true love. And also, when guys start talking to her as in "chatting" to her, which means talking with no good reason with her. Okay, i do get a little angry, but it resides over the surmounting love of christ=D

courage,bravery

2008-03-20T07:55:00.001-07:00

Courage isn't the absence of fear,
but acknowledging a there is a higher responsibility that you eliminate fear.

Brave people don't live long, but cautious people don't live at all.

When they meant, "i wished every second lasted longer", i wished too

2008-03-18T04:38:00.000-07:00

As you sway by unaware to your surroundings,
You never knew i sat at the corner watching you.
Your Eyes were like pearls,
Your skin ever so radiant,
Your outfit made you look like a princess,
Not that you already are.

As i gazed into the sky,
All it reminded me were your eyes.
When i closed mine,
I could see you as clearly as i didn't.

The moment you talked,
It seemed like a lullaby.
When you sang,
I wished you never stoped.

When i open my eyes in the day,
Recurring scenes with me and you together just kept flying.
I couldn't begin my day without thinking about you.
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guess who i am talking about
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no it aint her
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its what God says everyday. He loves you more than you can imagine. Love him.

Post. 201

2008-03-18T00:17:00.000-07:00

I was rather intrigued by the chapel's teaching/sermon wadeva. It was kind of an irony for me, but i wouldnt say for everyone. Bus driver presented his speech with a reliable documentary how kids tend to loose focus. Linking back to the passage of Mathew 19:16-26. I didnt record that down btw. It just shows how much i am disturbed by it. Jesus was there trying to persuade a rich man to give up his wealth to be his disciple. Following the path of God. Eventually fulfilling the task God had planned for them which now is, to fulfill the great commission(matthew 28:18-20). And bus driver had to link it back to studies. Is study TRULY our main purpose on Earth. God ain't saying we shouldn't study as well. Studying is a form of honouring our parents. Which IS one of the 10 commandments. So bus driver now has to say that our main purpose now is to strive ALL THE WAY for our studies. Aren't we now loosing the main focus of the huge m&ms we can achieve but rather succumb to the measly amounts of m&ms placed on a silver platter?

Say i'm missing the point of what bus driver "preached", whatever. He should have planned out his teaching so much better using the right verse for the appropriate topic.

How absurd.

Cupid

2008-03-17T06:09:00.000-07:00

I wonder why guys always tend to look out for chio bus, natural reaction lurh. Like if got chio bu walk by ALL will turn and stare one, natural..I wish i was different lurh..how much more i could concentrate on my work. Rahh..

Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.
-george washington

Service

2008-03-15T09:02:00.000-07:00

Todays preaching seemed simple, but it meant a lot. Singaporeans indeed need joy due to the increasing amount of teenage pregnancy(finding joy in circumstances), teenage suicidal(under stress) and being emotional(emotional stature=situation). But true joy lies in the smile that never fades.

It was a combination of My post on positive mindset=positive after effect and Zachary's blog http://thedreamist.wordpress.com/ impossible failure. When i read his blog i was like thinking, that car's gonna drop. But think with me, if that car beholds Paul the apostle, would God let him sink to the valleys of the grand canyon. Not that Paul is more important than you are, is that God would not allow ANYTHING to slow down his kingdom. So, if you catch the spirit of impossible failure, I think its time to sprint.

truly i begin to realise...
impossible is nothing

Dancing Diva

2008-03-14T03:08:00.001-07:00

Caught a movie after so long. Step up 2. Love it manxz..No point watching at movie6 cause watch also cannot even see the cool dance steps. The frames move sooo slow until they cant catch the movements. So its definitely much better watching in the theaters. But cineleisure's theatre's got a cranky smell. But the movie still owned man. Although some people showed strong dislikes towards the movie, i think its the few better movies for music cranked punks and dancers. Catch it man.

Although it has a weak storyline, the dance moves speaks for all.
4.7/5

Amazing but true

2008-03-13T00:54:00.000-07:00

its amazing how people work when their with their leaders.
and how people work, without their leaders.

watching them.

SentoZa

2008-03-11T08:06:00.000-07:00

As much as i hated SAND, and the most delicious SEAwater. It seems that the overwhelming presence of companionship wiped out the existence of such redundant hatred.

While swimming in the gorgeous sea with the decent view of cargo ships, i was freezing due to the wonderful rain. So my hands TURNED purple. you know the colour when u tie a tight rubberband round your wrist and leave it there for 15mins.but lighter lur..that was how cold i was.

So i was trying to find all means and ways to warm up my self..so i decided to walk around. anyway..i'm fine now..with a little of ah choooz..and all..

games were greatly,...disgusting..espescially the food games..got some problem with them or something lah..anywayz..i had fun though..and i guess the people all had fun.=D..

Sex in the City

2008-03-10T06:21:00.000-07:00

All man are sex hungry.

its true. sex is the core of the guys mind.

it differs with each individual

how much they control it.

Call me sexist, whatever.

2008-03-08T22:25:00.000-08:00

Men are called out to do great things. Man generally hold better characteristics, leadership, wisdom compared to women. Most governments are Males. And the election in USA is on the side of barack obama. Men should be the ones leading.

Women on the other hand, WANT to do great things. They hold better perserverence, always on task compared to men. Women have risen since the 1900s and in singapore men and women are of equal status similar to other countries such as USA.

What makes men a leader is that they are blessed with qualities to be one.
What made women a leader is their hard work.

what cause women to overthrow man, their laziness.
what cause man to overpower women, their hardwork.

With such given qualities, shouldn't we make a stand for ourselves, and not be pushed around.

Positive mindset=Positive after-effect

2008-03-08T07:57:00.000-08:00

Just to sum up what i learnt in service. Seemed simple, meant a lot. How many times have we sobbed because things didn't go as planned and perceived to be.

People tend to work better with a healthy emotion. When you're sad, we all tend to keep thinking of what we're sad of, and then we forget the task at hand. When you're angry, you're so blinded by the event that you don't even know where you're heading any more. When you're tired, all you want to is rest but you don't realise the people around you who "die" for sleep, careless the others.

But when you're happy, everything is Green, smiley, ORANGE. Everything seems to be in place but some things aren't but you overwhelm yourself with the joy of things that went right.

With that kept in mind, you tend to work better. And wouldn't u wish that all day is happy. Its possible. Just imagine what you could do if you would just change you're emotion anchoring yourself on the wog. Basically, almost nothing can stop you. Its like asking a holler craft to stop immediately at full speed.

Emotions aren't things that make you up, they are things that you make.

what are leaders

2008-03-07T20:39:00.000-08:00

Leaders show exemplary characteristics that obviously set themselves apart away from the crowd.
Its never too little crop, its always too little wineskin.

Facts

2008-03-06T23:00:00.000-08:00

The existence of Jesus is undeniable the main conflict is, is he God. Theoretically Jesus' existence on earth has been proven. But no one can prove that He is God.
But what are the chances that he isnt God?.

Age does not come with maturity

2008-03-06T18:29:00.000-08:00

It's appalling how new believers respond much better compared to shepherds.

thanks joshua,
kwan shyan,
and Wei Jie

for your responsiveness.

Death

2008-03-04T07:50:00.000-08:00

As i walked backwards in time, i wonder what if i never picked up desmond's offer to walk with God. I'll prolly be burning in hell already.Simply because......

Everything led to death, no matter how hard u defy it, it whacks you right at your face.
The mere Me, wouldnt change one bit of the world. AYE am only human.
Time was the only factor.

And so it seems, christianity saved each breath for me.
The mere Me empowered by the creator, what stands agaisnt me bows down.
Death meant the rebirth of a new life, and i'm so excited about it.
Living brought me to the brink of happiness.

Probably some people out there thinking why the hell would anyone do it. For me, the primary reason is to change the world, but also, there isnt any other reasonable choice.

titleless

2008-02-29T20:38:00.000-08:00

And so it seems, wondering about my past.
my mind composition of random thoughts used to be

70%-girls
25%-god
5%-education

and of course things has made a slight improvement

x%-girls
60%-God
y%-education

=P.. have fun guessing!

what significance

2008-02-29T08:34:00.000-08:00

Finally deciding to read up "The case for Christ", for 4 main reasons
-i have been curious lately
-its zachary's book, i hafta return
-i need some knowledge to win the world
-my english needs some brushing up

"now you're not comparing thrity to sixty years with the five hundred years that are generally acceptble for other data-you're talking about two"

the bible was written 2 years after jesus' death..what could go wrong

Does anyone know the answer?

2008-02-28T22:12:00.001-08:00

The former is often heard in our daily "enrichment" classes. Some sit and glance through the walls of the rooms and others wave their hands frantically to gain attraction. The latter answers the question and some give positive answers and others unfortunately do not. But the main idea of one who wanted to answer the question was, i know i am right. so now, who is right? We can only find out till judgement day arrives. And i cant wait.

Pressure

2008-02-24T08:30:00.000-08:00

i can feel it so close to me.

Ever since christmas service...

2008-02-23T09:43:00.000-08:00

i've been thinking of what i was before and now...

Putting it bluntly, i was an anti-christ. Never believed in the supernatural. Skeptical. Saw Christians as "seeking mercy from the harm of humanity".
Saw helping others was just a staircase for them to raise above you.

and look where i've become.

Servant leader.
Christ follower.

and indeed there were times the former living seemed more appealing. But well, every single rebellious thought was overcome with the facts of the bible. I couldn't deny God was God.
and of course there were much more reasons. that would have been too long to list.

Aedàn-fire, my aspired name for baptism.
To be a raging fire for God.

Aside from the tongue, the eye sins as much

2008-02-21T06:49:00.000-08:00

After the unbroken relationship with God, it seems that my colourful language has taken the ship off to outerspace with rare visits to planet earth. But it seems on one factor of my life hasnt really taken leave for quite some time.

While mugging to catch up on my iresistable consistent punching of "snooze" has indeed brought about daylight ghosts. I was abruptly awaken by the sun rays which were an unusual sight. It was 9am. being me, i just when back to sleep.

Making a hike to kap, alone, i decided to catch up on school work before i get lost in the forest tomorrow. And of course, there will be the apples of my eye sitting at corners. I begin to take more "eye rests" to look at things afar.

So it seems, i havent ["gotten bored of looking at them"-des] or, being able to control what i look at. Not that i bring what i see to another stage of thinking, its just, i would loose concentration easily.

Dats why "self-control" is printed on my phone.

I wonder whats the antidote to this..constantly searches.